Kingdom Idiots!
by Hisa-Me Kurai
Summary: Up For Adoption email me for details
1. Enter The Weird Sisters

(A/N: First chappie! WOOTNESS! This ficcy goes out to my authoress bud, Yargy the Pirate Queen! This one's for you! And with that being said, READ ON!)

* * *

The Internet is my pal. You might call it an fixation. I call it….well an obsession. It provides me entertainment like fan fics, Gaia Online, iTunes, Youtube, downloading music illegally…blah-blah-blah, you get it. 

However, at the moment, I was hating my laptop with a fiery passion. It was a Christmas present and some brand I had never heard of, but that wasn't why I was currently clutching the piece of machinery in a white knuckled grip and wishing the stupid thing would snap in half.

No, the reason I was so bent was the fact that I had been caught playing **_Bejewled_** in Math and was now sitting in the principal's office, staring at an abnormal splotch on the ceiling that looked a lot like a cow as the P-Man himself clacked away on his keyboard, probably entering this happy little incident forever into my permanent record.

I began to wonder about the cow splotch: where was his herd? Had he wandered away from the tour and gotten lost? That would be a shame. Of all the places to get lost, he wound up in Monsieur Prince-E-Pal's chamber o' doom. But wait, if it was a cow, wouldn't that make it a girl? I had to wonder. Ever since those bastards at Pixar made BARNYARD, the whole matter of male cows complete with udders now seemed very likely.

I began to think up as many scenarios as I could of as to how Ms./or Mr. Cow Splotch managed to find his way from whatever happy life he /or she must have been living amongst the other cow splotches to find her/ or his way to this god forsaken place from which light will neither leave nor enter.

But as I was thinking upon the gender confused Cow Splotch, and the perils he/she must endure to find his/her way back to the herd, I unconsciously sighed a bit more noisily that Grand Master P-Dizzle would have liked. I knew that by the rather miffed look I caught him wearing as he finally caught on to my glazed expression fixed wholly on the ceiling.

I knew what I had done was stupid, but I'm sure that Mr. Decette wouldn't appreciate me singing the Oscar Meyer Bologna song in a round. I mean, this really seemed a bit harsh to me. I had finished the assignment and for some unfortunate reason, I had not been born with the academic over-achiever gene, so moving on to the next assignment never crossed my mind

* * *

A light tapping noise came from my right. I ignored it at first until it became more persistent. I glanced to my left and nearly shrieked for joy. The Calvary had arrived in the form of my bestest bud in the whole wide world, Megan Roxbury. 

She grinned in at me and gave me a thumbs-up before darting out of sight. About ten seconds later, the fire alarm sounded shrilly, making the principal levitate about a foot off his chair.

Apparently, the thought of going up in flames in THIS particular building managed to help him forget the fact that I was there as he ran out of his office and didn't look back make sure I was following. And here I thought the guy didn't care.

Megan came ambling in about two minutes later, looking very proud of herself as I waas erasing everything Mr. Prince-E-Pal had entered into my file, clicked save and turned the blasted clunker off.

"Shall we?" Megan asked, grinning broadly as she motioned towards the door.

"Sounds good t' me." I chimed hopping off the rolling office chair so quickly that if flipped backwards, "Let's head t' my house!"

"Can George come?" Megan asked, pointing towards her breast pocket; Megan had found her buggy buddy about a month ago. He's really cool, he even gave me a 92 on the Coolness Factor scale! But I swear, it's a wonder the little guy's survived as long as he has. Megan you see is a klutz, which makes me wonder from time to time why she insists on keeping George in her front pocket where he could so easily be smushed.

"What do you think Chuck Norris?" I asked the non-existent leprechaun on my shoulder, "Chuck Norris says it's cool, dude." Unlike George, Chuck Norris was a complete figment of my twisted imagination, created with one sole purpose in mind: to freak out the normals.

"Sweeeet." Megan smirked as we strode out of the office and out of the school, making our way unnoticed through the sea of students as we walked off campus.

* * *

Yes at our school, we're known as the Weird Sisters. Not that we're actually related in any way shape or form. It was sucha silly thing to say really. I mean, you could tell when we stood next to each other: I have black hair and tan skin, Megan has white skin and light brown hair. 

Even our eye color is different: I have amber eyes, she has green, and even though we're both pretty tall for girls, I'm still about an inch taller.

So if Megan is indeed my sista, she's mah sista from another mista! Which would mean my momma cheated and is a no good, dirty whore. Which I highly doubt as my momma blushes at just the word 'sex' so lord only knows how I was conceived. I have a theory that she didn't really have me, but found me in a cornfield as the spaceship was pulling away.

But to get back on topic, we were walking to my house. I had engaged in my usual habit of flipping the top of my Zippo open and close. Not that I smoke or nothin'…I just like the clicky-clicky sound it makes – and setting things on fire.

She was the only person I knew of who could stand this tendency of mine. The click-click sound drove my parents nuts after about five minutes. But then again, Megan was already comfortably insane so I guess its all relative.

We chatted the entire time we walked about conspiracy theories we had thought up last detention. I mean, we couldn't talk about them then or we would have been slammed with more detention, which would suck because it would mean writing more pointless essays entitled, 'what education means to me.'

"Seriously, you know how Manhattan kids are like, pod children?" Megan asked as we ambled along the side of the road, "Well, that's the base of operations! That's where they bio-engineer cheerleaders!"

"That would explain a few things." I replied as we crossed the street, "But what about the MALE cheerleaders? They're even worse! And the whole lot of'em have microchips for brains I say!"

"I knew it! And those little chippys broadcast subliminal messages through their cheers!" Megan hissed fiercely, opening her breast pocket, "George! You getting all this? It's important! Keep those antennae perked, boya!"

"That's right!" I declared, flicking the lid of my lighter faster, "Why do you think that rednecks and the elderly have the highest voter rating? Because the cheerleaders tell them who t' vote for!"

"That explains George Bush Jr.!" Megan cried, as we swerved into my driveway and took the steps two at a time, "There's no way he could possibly get voted in a second time without outside help!"

* * *

I opened my front door and made my way to the kitchen. I knew the principal had taken the liberty of calling home so…I calmly deleted the message and asked Megan what she wanted for lunch. 

She wanted her usual pizza and mayo combo, which even I, as a upstanding citizen of the Weirdo Community found gross…but then again, I was gunning for Kraft mac & cheese with apple sauce slathered all over it so I really couldn't talk.

So while Megan took her leftover pizza and flipped on the T.V., I got my macaroni water on the stove and turned the element on high.

I knew I had at least a fifteen minute interval before I could add my noodles so I joined Megan in the living room, sitting on the floor and watching as she lazily channel surfed.

"I can't find anything." Megan sighed after awhile, tossing the remote down to me, "You pick something."

"M'kay." I said, automatically flipping to a Maury repeat; y'know – preteen girls who wanna have babies? Yeah. One o' those. White trash enough for ya?

It had just reached a high point, where two of the delusional preteens were ganging up on one of the moms when the screen started digitizing, blacked out and made six feeble attempts to come back before eventually snowing out.

I inwardly hoped it was just the channel and started pressing the channel up button, but when all I got was snow channel after channel, I drop kicked the remote to vent, and stormed back into the kitchen to pour the noodles in, Megan following me to get more mayo for her pizza.

I was so pissed that I didn't hear the weird noises from the living room…but Megan did.

"Uh, Fluke?" she said politely, squeeze bottle of mayo in hand and eyes glued in the direction of the living room, or if you want to get all specific, the T.V., "You might wanna turn around."

"Why? Is the T.V. working again?" I snorted, ripping the top off my mac 'n' cheese box before following her finger…and dropping macaroni all over the floor.

There was an arm, an ARMuh phasing out of my television screen. Another arm soon joined it, followed by a shock of red hair that was all too familiar.

"Numba Ate." I said in a deliberately poor Asian accent as Axel tumbled out of the T.V. with a yelp, followed shortly after by none other than Demyx in all his pseudo-hawked glory, who had the decency to land on top of him.

Soon after, Marluxia's pinky-brown head and shoulders phased through the television's glass screen, looking down at them with a look of pure vexation.

"Oh real graceful." He snorted, placing both hands on either side of television frame and hoisting himself easily into the living room, "Way to ruin a dramatic entrance."

"Hey, Yargy?" I asked, looking at her out of the corner of my eye, as I pulled my Zippo out of my pocket and began flicking the lid open and closed, "Remember how your mom said that video games turn your brain to goo?"

"Yeah. I know." Megan sighed, setting the mayo bottle down on the counter before hefting herself on to it, "I can feel my brains dribbling out my ears too."

"Well, so long as we're in agreement." I shrugged, continuing to flipping the lid of my lighter open and close with my thumb as I watched Demyx and Axel haul themselves to their feet.

* * *

"Well, now that you two are back on your feet, we can get down to business." Marluxia said evenly, turning his pale brown eyes on us. 

"You two Megan and Anchal?" Axel asked in an I-Don't-Care-If-You-Are-Just-Tell-Me-What-I-Wanna-Hear tone of voice.

"Say whuh?" Megan deadpanned; I'm not used to anyone calling me anything but Fluke. It's been my nickname since the second grade. And…well…hearing this really hot, but really cocky game character say Megan's name was kinda bizarre – even for me! It tied for second with Yargy's sick, mayo-on-the-pizza thing!

"Let's see here." Demyx said casually, trying to play it off like he hadn't had a giant spaz attack only seconds before, "Anchal Tilak, 18, black hair, amber eyes, 5'11"; Megan Roxbury, 18, brown hair, green eyes, 5'10". Force may be used if the subjects resist."

"So…are ya, or aren't ya?" Axel asked, also trying to play it off like he hadn't just fallen head first out of a television and onto his head only moments earlier by switching himself into a comfortable slouch, "What're your names?"

"The label or title by which we are addressed." I drawled out, knowing in the back of my mind that I was being a complete R-tard fucking around with Organization XIII, but my inner spite sprite was practically screaming _"GO FOR IT DUDE!"_

"…no. Seriously, what are your names?" Marluxia asked, not looking miffed in the slightest at the way I had so casually para para-ed around the question.

"The word or phrase by which we are called." Megan smirked lazily; apparently, Yargy's spite sprite was also up and about…something that Axel didn't seem very happy about as he set my mom's treasured Vicus plant ablaze; no doubt whom she'd blame for the death of the plant either as I'm the resident pyro.

"Oh my god! You killed Kenny!" I cried, clasping the sides of my face with my hands eyes locked on the charred remains of the plant.

"You bastard!" Megan yelled, shaking her fist at Axel.

"...who's Kenny?" Demyx asked, looking very confused.

"That was Kenny!" I cried in mock outrage. pretending to cry.

"May his spirit live on forever!" Megan said passionately, clasping her hands together in prayer.

"...let's try this again. Are you, or are you not Megan Roxbury and Anchal Tilak?" Axel asked in a laid back tone of voice that was completely offset by the impatience flashing dangerously in his eyes as he chose to blindside our random outburst.

"Wellll…hey, Yargy, who are we today?" I asked carelessly, thinking I had slipped from '_comfortably insane_' to '_oh-golly-gee, where-is-that-nurse-with-my-happy-pills?_' and was gonna push these guys as far as I possibly could without my house going up in flames…with me and Megan in it.

Axel already looked like he was deliberating setting my head on fire and was probably trying to do so without Marluxia noticing; I only thought that because my hair started smoking a little.

* * *

Megan decided to have one of our rare, rational moments and hopped off the counter while I stayed right where I was and continued to play with my lighter. 

"Yeah. I'm Megan." She said, running a hand back through her hair absentmindedly, "That's Anchal, but she always goes by her nickname."

"Which is?" Marluxia asked politely, maintaining his calm poker face while giving off the obvious impression that he really wanted to move this along.

"Fluke." I replied absentmindedly, more focused now on my Zippo than the Organization XIII members in front of me, "It's been my nickname since I was seven."

"Fluke?" Demyx snorted, trying not to laugh at my unusual handle, "I'm sorry girl, but I'm stickin' with Anchal."

"Soooo…why're you here, oh cute little figments of my imagination that Fluke just happens to see too?" Megan asked, grabbing her pizza off the countertop and taking a huge bite. I guess I wasn't the only one who felt as though I had fallen off the sanity wagon,

"For you two." Marluxia replied serenely, deciding that he may as well sit as he explained himself, "We have our orders from higher up."

Megan and I looked at one another then back at the three game characters in my living room. I stopped fiddling with my lighter and slid it back into my front pocket. My next move was to pull my cell out of my back pocket and dial nine on speed dial.

I knew that Marluxia, Demyx and Axel could see what I was doing and I didn't care. After all – game characters? What could they do? …aside from murder poor helpless house plants?

"…hey mom? Yeeeeah, remember how you said that video games would turn my brain to pudding?" I asked feeling the grin tug at my lips even as I spoke, "…well I have one better. Y'see, three characters from one of the games I play are in th' living room right now, an they're about to abduct Yargy and me. Say hi boys."

I held my phone out towards the living room. Axel called out his usual tagline of, "Th' name's Axel. Got it memorized?" Demyx just yelled out, "HI ANCHAL'S MOM!" and Marluxia just coughed and said, "Hello ma'am."

"So, if I don't come home ever again, now ya know why." I said with a shrug, knowing my mom was wondering why I was wasting precious minutes of her life with this lunacy, "But if I ever do? Don't touch my room…'kay. Love you. Bye."

I handed the phone off to Megan without even look. "Your turn." I smirked.

Megan dialed up her Dad's office and instead of taking a seat on the counter, she sat down right were she stood before sprawling out comfortably in the middle of the floor on her back.

"Hi Dad? Yeah, y'know how you said th' radiation off my consol was gonna kill me one of these days?" she asked as I squatted down to flick what would have been my lunch into her hair, "Well I gotcha beat! Organization XIII has popped out of Fluke's T.V. and they said they're taking us back with'em! We're probably gonna get killededed!"

By this point, I realize I had left my boiling water on the stove and so I rose to back up to turn it off.

"So yeah! I probably won't ever come home again!" Megan grinned, sitting up abruptly and causing the dried noodles I'd flicked into her hair to fly everywhere, "…cuz I'll probably get offed! Well, I won't be seeing ya…probably! Bye bye!"

She then hung up on her dad and tossed my cell back to me.

"Well…you guys are takin' this awfully, um what's the word I'm looking for, casually?" Axel said, looking a little suspicious.

"Well, we figure that whatever shreds of sanity we had left went fluttering out the window when the T.V. fizzled out, right?" I asked Megan, who nodded.

"Yup. That's about the size of it on my end." She shrugged listlessly, "So until the nurse come along to tighten the straps of my straight jacket, I'm gonna just go along with it."

"…okay." Demyx said slowly, opening the portal in my T.V. again…I think, I mean, the screen went a little bit warpy, but nothing too extreme.

"Well, let's get moving, girls." Marluxia said, motioning towards the T.V., "We have a lot to sort through once we arrive."

"Whoa, whoa there Sonny Jim." I said, pushing myself away from the counter, "We just said we accepted that we've gone insane. Where in that last statement did we ever say we we're going with you?"

"You think the upstairs T.V.'s working?" Megan asked, following me as I sauntered out of the kitchen, "I wanna watch Springer."

"Yeah and I need t' find and feed Aflac." I drawled, unaware of the fact that two rather pissed, cloaked men had snuck up behind us. Before we quite knew what was happening, someone, I'm pretty sure it was Axel, was shoving us head first through the T.V. I heard loud quacking and hoped Aflac would be okay...until my stomach shot into my feet.

**Today's Life Lessons:** _Skipping School_ - Fun, but stupid; _Watching T.V._ - Fun and relaxing; _Pissing off Axel_ - Fun, but hazardous to your health; _Pet ducks named Aflac_ - Fun and cuddly!; _Organization XIII spewing vortexes_ - SUCK!

* * *

(A/N: Megan and Anchal wake up, are confronted by Saix...and begin doin' what the Rugrats do best - 'splorin! And when Xemnas find out that Axel and Demyx have lost track of them...R&R!) 


	2. Avenue Q

(A/N: Hey all! Wow! Such positive responses! I'm glad you all like my fic! To start things off - a disclaimer : I own nothing except Anchal/Fluke, Aflac, and my own sense of insanity. Megan belongs solely to Yargy the Pirate Queen and I highly suggest you check out her fics if you like mine. And now that the legalities are out of the way - READ ON BITCHES! ...hee! Always wanted to say that.)

* * *

I don't have much to my name that I can pride myself on. I'm not an award winning author - after all, I **really** don't think fanfics count, and I'm definitely not the prodigy my parents prayed to Vishnu for – if you really must know, I do a special little happy dance when I get a B minus. 

I also wasn't discovered by a modeling agency at fourteen - probably because I love my food too much to ever **_think_** of trying to become a weight that's not achievable. It's not that I'm fat; you say the F-word around me and I'll rip your intestines out your mouth…maybe.

I know. I really don't have much to speak of, but I **do** have one thing that I pride myself on – and that's having a cast iron stomach. I currently hold the record at the state fair for riding The Zipper forty six times in a row without getting off or puking.

The same applied to Megan, what with her being a human garbage disposal. There was no other explanation as to how she was able to stomach that **_dee-_ee_-ee-_sgusting** pizza/mayo combo without tossing her cookies. Not that tossing cookies wasn't fun, especially if they were stale.

Which was why I was a bit shocked that I was on my knees heaving up dinner from three days ago (Oh look, Angel Wings…I think) It was a little disheartening – the warpy vortexes of warpyness had always looked like such a trip. Who knew they were such gut busters?

And apparently, my aim was as sharp as ever, because Axel was now bitch-bitch-bitching because there was now my special brand of Thai Food vomit coating the hem of his robes (don't be so metro, dude)

Demyx and Marluxia had stepped aside in time before Megan spewed chunklets, which were a **_very_** interesting shade of purple I must say, all over the ground, making Marluxia's nose crinkle from the smell, and Demyx's eyebrow raise in fascination at the color.

"Too gross." Axel complained, more concerned about the state of his robes than our well being, "The last thing I wanted to do t'day was laundry!"

Megan shot me a look. She was pissed. Here we were, in pools of our own vomit and Axel was complaining about laundry (he has no heart – whaddya expect?) Megan wanted payback, and as her best friend, I was more than willing to help her dish it out.

She clamored unsteadily to her feet then pulled me up. Being on the same wavelength as we were, we both stumbled to either side of Axel, Megan initiating our special brand of revenge.

"**Man**, you sounded so **_gay_** just then." She snorted, wiping the side of her mouth as Axel glowered at her and Demyx let loose a short laugh.

"**What?**" he snapped, narrowing his eyes and placing his hands on his hips, "I'm not gay!"

"Gay, gay, gaygaygay – You. Are. _**Gaaaaaaaaay**_." I drawled, a lazy smirk on my lips as an edgy frown filled his face.

"And what do you base that on?" Marluxia asked, looking mildly amused. Ahhh, you can always count on Marluxia to add fuel to the fire.

"Well, he's obsessive about his clothing for one." Megan ticked off, looking bit more steady on her feet now.

"That doesn't mean **anything!**" Axel spat defensively, tugging at the chest of his robe, "We only get so many of these ya know! We _**hafta**_ take care of'em!"

"Axel, it's okay. We don't care y'know." I said glibly, waving my hand at him dismissively, "In the U.S., people are very accepting of homosexuals."

"**I'M NOT A _HOMO_ YA _FRUIT LOOP!_**" Axel bellowed as grins began to fill both Megan's face and mine. We shared a look and nodded.

* * *

"No need to get so defensive about it." Megan smiled, taking a step forward and closing the gap between him and us. 

"Yeah, Axel, all we're saying is…" I said slowly, taking a step forward myself and grinning like a fool now, "…_If you were gay! Doodle-loo-doodle-loo! That'd be okay! Doodle-loo-doodle-loo!_"

Both Megan and I were doing a little dance, a sort of ring-around-the-rosie, around Axel the Totem Pole as we sang our tune, Demyx looking as though he wanted to laugh, but wasn't sure if it was safe or not and Marluxia continued to look mildly amused.

"_I mean cuz, hey! Doodle-loo-doodle-loo! We like you an-ee-way!_" Megan and I sang, unclasping our hands to move in and give the pissed off and quivering Axel a quick glomp before continuing our spazzy little dance.

"_Because you see! Doodle-loo-doodle-loo! If it were meeeeeeeeeeee! I would feel free-to-saaaaay! That I was gay! But-we're-not-gay!_" we chanted, thoroughly enjoying the process of watching the red of Axel's hair bleed into his face.

"…what will it take to convince you nut bars that I'm not gay?" Axel snapped, hands balled into very tight fists and smoking slightly.

"Kiss Bigrax – I mean **Xigbar**, when reach wherever it is we're going!" I instantly responded; my answer had the desired effect of causing Axel's jaw to fall in the vicinity of his kneecaps.

"**_WHAT?_**" he barked, face paling and throwing up his hands defensively like a shield, "No way dude. No way in hell. Not gonna happen. I'd rather set my**self** on fire!"

"Hey, a man **_comfortable_** with his sexuality wouldn't have a problem with kissing another guy." Megan smirked, folding her arms over her chest. "I guess we know where you stand now."

Axel looked ready to fight and defend his sexual preferences – either that, or torch our sorry butts - until another black warpy vortex of warpiness appeared in between the three of us and shot Megan and me back eight feet.

I wasn't sure if it was a blast of air or a surge of energy that blasted us on our asses, but my tuckus was hurtin' a little too much for me to care all that much…heh heh heh. That's a funny word – tuckus.

"Well. This is a pleasant surprise." Saix murmured coolly as he stepped out of the swirling black vortex, "I expect to find you at Headquarters…but instead, I find you slacking off with-."

"Hey, **Fluke! _Look!_** It's Lord of the Blue **Mullets!**" Yargy squealed, clapping her hands together in delight as Saix's eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. Pissing Axel off was fun, yes, but if our fun got him in trouble…we'd have no choice but to get him out of it (sighs)

"_**What** _**did you just**…" Saix hissed, before taking a deep breath to calm himself, "…never mind. Just see to it that they arrive at Castle Oblivion. Superior is growing impatient."

_"Superior? Oh yeah! Xemnas…pfft. Mansex."_ I thought, a lazy grin on my lips, _"Somebody's mommy obviously didn't love them very much."_

Loud quacking shook me from my thoughts as I saw a familiar, white waddling mass come flapping my way.

"_**Aflac!**_" I cried with a smile as my ducky-dear hopped into my outstretched arms with a flap of his wings, "**Yay!** Now I don't hafta secretly feel jealous of Yargy since she has George!"

"**_Yay!_**" Megan squealed, extracting George from her front pocket, still alive and well, "Now **I** don't have to feel all weird and awkward about your jealousy over George and me!"

"**_Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!_**" we sang together, Aflac giving several loud quacks to voice his agreement and George giving his totally unique 'spzzzzzzzzzzz' sound. He was, after all, **way** too cool to say buzz.

* * *

Saix watched us, eyebrow twitching slightly, before shaking his head and creating another black, swirly, acid-trip vortex. After all, his work was done. He had finished his fun of chastising Numba Ate, Nine, and Eleven and, with light shrug of his shoulders, disappeared inside the swirling blackness. 

Not that we really noticed we were too busy being enthralled by how awesomely fantastic it was that future awkwardness had been averted. But when we did after a few, and my torture imp was shrieking, _"WAIT! Come back! I HAVEN'T MADE YOU INSITUTIONALIZE YOURSELF!"_

Poor little guy was throwing quite the little temper tantrum. He had to be hauled off to the little caged off area of my brain where my sensibility was locked up.

Megan also looked slightly disappointed; guess she wanted a crack at him to. Now that I listened carefully, I could practically hear Fred – she named her torture imp; I'm too lazy – screaming at Saix to stop being a bitch and take his punishment like a man. Sorry guys! We'll get him later! I promise!

"…psychopaths." Demyx mumbled after watching our faces twist around into rather interesting expressions, shaking his head as Marluxia opened his portal again, "Not that this isn't entertaining and all, but we **really** need to get moving."

"You got a Dramamine?" Megan asked hopefully, replacing George in her front pocket and staring from Marluxia to Demyx expectantly.

"…what's Dramamine?" Axel asked, looking at her with an oh so cute bewildered expression on his face.

"Expect more o' that then, buddy boy." Megan smiled, pointing to the vomit on the hem of his robes before joining me in laughing like a maniac and leaping into the vortex.

Ah yes, as I mention earlier – **_VORTEXES_ BLOW!** But at least this time around, I managed to keep from hurling. Megan too. But this also meant we couldn't commit to our earlier threat towards Axel – damn, damn, **_double damn._**

Like the first time through, my knees gave out, causing Aflac to give a loud squawk, pop out of my arms and flap off.

"**AFLAC! **Get **_back_** here ya dumb **duck!**" I yelled, scrabbling to my feet and hauling Megan up by her arm, "**_Come on!_** We gotta find him before Sir **Stabbity** does! The **_last_** thing I want is a **shish-kabobed** **_duck_** for a pet!"

"_**HOLD IT!**_" Axel shouted after us, forming a wall of fire to block me off from chasing down my ducky-darling, "You have to meet with Superior. You've given us **enough** trouble already!"

"…you really need t' get laid, ya know that?" Megan said irritably, causing a short laugh to escape Demyx mouth before he could clamp his hands over his mouth.

We made our way back to them and I kept tossing glances over my shoulder. I had a feeling it was just going to be us and Mansex during this little meeting, making my pet's chances of survival go down that much more.

I grabbed a hold of Megan's wrist and very slowly, we allowed ourselves to drift further and further from the front of the tour group. Not that anyone noticed. Marluxia was in the middle of refereeing the argument that had sprung up between Demyx and Axel.

Soon, Megan and I were watching gleefully as their backs rounded a corner and disappeared from view, leaving the two of us completely unsupervised in the middle of the hall.

"Let's go a'splorin!" Megan said in her best impersonation of Tommy Pickles, punching the airspace over her head.

"Let's go!" I whooped, doing my best Lil as we both got down on our hands and knees and started crawling on the floor.

* * *

"Ah, you've finally decided to grace us with your presence." Xemnas said coolly as the doors to the assembly hall burst open. 

"Oh, **_bitch_-bitch-_bitch!_**" Demyx's loud voice echoed off the walls as he, Marluxia and Axel marched in, "Y'know, I'm startin' t' think that maybe those fruit loops were **right** about you!"

"Oh you did **_not_** just call me **gay!**" Axel snarled, eyes flashing dangerously, "I mean, how could you even _**consider**_ listening to those two nut bars?"

"Boys?" Marluxia said tentatively, trying to bring this stupid argument to a close before Xemnas popped his top, "Don't you think this disagreement of yours has gone on long enough?"

"**NNNNNOO!**" They shouted at the top of their lungs before getting ready plunge right back into their argument. However Xemnas had other ideas.

"_**ENOUGH!**_" He roared, making all three men squeak in alarm and jump back about a foot, "Have you completed the task I asked of you and brought Anchal Tilak and Megan Roxbury to me?"

"Yes Superior." Marluxia replied, straightening out the front of his robes, quickly regaining his former composure.

"Then where **are** they?" Xemnas snapped irritably, "Are they invisible? Or do you simply enjoy provoking me?"

The triad blinked and slowly looked behind them where Anchal and Megan **_SHOULD_** have been stand and were greeted by a big smiling void of empty space.

"But they – but we – but I…ah hell." Demyx moaned, seeing the vein popping out on Xemnas's forehead.

"Go **FIND THEM!**" he bellowed, sending them flying out of the meeting hall.

* * *

Megan and I weren't sure how far we'd gone so when we came to a window, we got off our knees to peer out it. We had to be five stories up. At**_ LEAST!_**

"Yargy, did we go up any stairs?" I asked, staring out the window with a wan smile.

"I don't think so." Megan replied with a shrug as we push ourselves away from the window to continue our exploration/search for Aflac.

I tugged the duck call hanging around my neck absentmindedly. I wanted to use it, but even **I** wasn't **_THAT_** stupid. One puff on that thing would bring every Organization XIII member in the castle rushing to where we were.

We rounded another corner…and promptly backpedaled. What met our game savvy eyes was none other than Numba Twelve, Larxene, the Savage Nymph.

We peered at her from around the corner, and what we saw and heard next was just too stupid not to be mentioned.

"One…two…three…ew, that one's moldy…ah here we go…three…four." She said with satisfied air in her voice as she pulled away from the fruit bowl, noticing us only because of the sounds our jaws had made as they hit the floor.

Larxene eyed us in disbelief, looking kinda twitchy. Maybe because of what we were wearing: Me – a white band tank and black jeans; Megan – a black band tee and blue jeans.

"Oh my god. Aren't you cold? I'm so cold." Larxene said, shaking like she was either part Chihuahua or had CP, "Did Saix turn the heat down? I sw-I'm so cold."

I stared at her a moment. My mind was still trying to wrap around the fact that the Savage Nymph, the blonde sadist, had just counted grapes. Well, at least this explained why she appeared to be a size double zero…that, or related to a stick bug.

"Why don't you try eating some solid food, whore?" I asked cynically, keeping a straight face the entire time, "I mean, my god – what kinda mental patient counts grapes? To me, grapes aren't even a food."

"Yeah, t' me they're a palette cleanser." Megan said nonchalantly, folding her arms over her chest, "Get that Big Mac taste outta my mouth so I can move on t' my fish filet. I don't count'em I just eat'em!"

Larxene had, by this point, extracted some of her pointiest throwing knives from within the sleeves of her robes it seemed and was looking ready for target practice.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh…bye!" we said, darting away as Larxene started pelting throwing knives through the hall.

"Almost forgot about her." I said with a laugh, "She's almost as bad as Sir Stabbity!"

"Speaking of which, let's find Aflac." Megan said merrily as we rounded a corner, "Cuz if Xaldin hasn't found him yet, he's gonna find'em soon."

"Oh you're **_soooo_** optimistic." I snorted.

**Today's Life Lessons**: _Vomit inducing vortexes_ - suck like hell; _Puking on Axel_ - kinda sucks, but kinda doesn't; _Singing Avenue Q to provoke red-haired fire users -_ fun, fun fun; _Ducks named Aflac_ - annoying, yet cuddly, so it balances out; _Pissing off an anorexic knife thrower_ - fun, but dangerous

* * *

(A/N: Anchal and Megan continue their search for Aflac and find him...in the clutches of Sir Stabbity. Axel and Demyx track them down and haul them back to Mansex's chambers to get the DL of why they've been dragged here. R&R!)


	3. Aflac, Where Art Thou?

(A/N: I got my first flame! I used it grill me up some bacon. MMMMM...bacon. It said, and I quote, 'Self-insert Fics Suck' But this isn't a self insert fic. My name aint Anchal, the only Megan I know is completely sane and blah-blah-blah you get it. Now that I've ranted, READ ON!)

* * *

"**_Aaaaaflaaaaaaac_**." I called half-heartedly as we walked along, meandering the halls and not really caring where we ended up, "**Aaaaaflaac.** Come on out ya idjit duck." 

"Hey, Fluke…this is just a guess, but judging by the gianormous slash marks on that door, I'm pretty sure that's Xaldin's room." Megan said matter-of-factly, pointing at a door not ten feet away that happened to be partially open.

"I'd hafta to say you're right, Yargy." I replied with a snort. I felt sorry for that door – trapped up on those hinges, defenseless; unable to flee from the sharp, pointy badness of Sir Stabbity's pole arms.

But when I heard the unmistakable sounds of soft quacking coming from that room, all sympathetic thoughts for the door was driven from my mind.

"**_AFLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!_**" I screeched, dashing through those doors without a second thought…okay, not true. Actually, my head was filled with thoughts of, _"MY DUCKY-DARLING! He NEEEEEEEEEEEEDS me! HANG ON BABY! MAMA'S COMIN'!"_

Megan was hot on my heels as we stormed the room, I was so blinded with anxiety that I wasn't really focus on what Xaldin was **_ACTUALLY_** doing.

"**Put the _spear_ down and step _away_ from the**…what the **_fuck?_**" Megan gaped, jaw dropping as she grabbed a hold of my wrist and forced me to look at Numba Three.

His pole arms were no where in sight, and Aflac was resting peaceful in his arms, occasionally sapping at a bit of bread when Xaldin offered it. It was so disturbing that all the voices in my head started screaming at once, keeled over and died.

Xaldin finally noticed we we're standing in his doorway and went several shades of pink.

"L-look, don't mention this t' th' guys! It'll **totally** kill my image!" he begged as Aflac gummed his hand to let him know he wanted more bread.

"…uh-huh." I mumbled, backing slowly out of the room, "S-sure. Just give'em back...when you're done."

"Yeah." Megan said numbly, eyes locked on Sir Stabbity as we backpedaled out of the room and shut the door slowly.

We automatically started walking again, but the walk turned into a weird, funky kind of speed walk – you know the kind, the kind that usually requires that you be listening to a tambourine or maracas- and that spazzy speed walk quickly transformed into a run.

Megan and I wanted to get ourselves away from the stomach turning, retina bursting sight of Xaldin acting humane towards my ducky-dearest Aflac as fast as was humanly possible.

The poor little voices in my head, probably Megan's too, had suffered innumerable casualties. It would take me hours to fire up the synapses to come up with more of them. The only one who hadn't been hit was my Vishnu forsaken **Sensibility**! Stupid cage had protected him from the shock and he was currently doing a victory dance inside it.

'_Knock it off you bastard!'_ I thought irritably,

'_Make me. I'd love to see you come in here and try.'_ It taunted.

'_I'll stab you with a fiery Q-tip if you don't make like a vice and clamp it!'_ I shrieked inside my mind.

'…_I'll be quiet.'_ He mumbled scurrying off to a corner of his cage.

Megan apparently was having a similar conversation with one of the more irritating facets of her brain by the faces she was making. Let's check, shall we?

-This is a look at Megan's thoughts-

'_Be quiet, R-tard._' Megan thought tetchily.

'_Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake me._' Her common sense teased, shaking it's Tran-substantial rear in her face.

'_I'll kill you off with crack if you don't shut your cram hole._' Megan snapped back at her mind.

'…' her common sense gave no reply, informing her of her victory.

-This has been a look at Megan's thoughts-

* * *

"God**damnit**, how **_far_** could those **loonytunes** have **gone**?" Axel snapped irritably, in a pretty foul mood because of the way his day had been going (…he really does need t' get laid) 

"Well I don't know." Marluxia said vaguely stretching his arms above his head, "We don't know how far back they managed to give us the slip so…they could be just about anywhere."

"Great." Demyx sighed, done with being angry in favor of being mildly annoyed, "Should we see if we could somehow convince Zexion to help?"

"**_No_**." Axel snapped, acting more like Saix gone berserker than his usual cocky self, "**This** is a matter of **_pride_** now. I swear, that duck's gonna be barbequed and served to them for **dinner** when I find them."

"You do know you're behaving like your darling Saix, right?" Marluxia chose to point out, a tiny hint of a smirk forming on his lips.

"**I AM _NOT_**…am I?" Axel wondered, stopping where he was to ponder this over. He was acting like a girl on her cycle without any chocolate or chips in the vicinity, and felt as though ripping the heads off of small, helpless animals might make for an enjoyable afternoon.

"I say god-**damn**." He muttered, eye widening into large discs, "I am, huh?"

"I wasn't gonna say anything dude…but yeah." Demyx nodded, shrugging a little befire giving Axel's shoulder a pat, 'You really are."

"Well, since we've cleared up **that** little matter, why don't we move on to the other issue at hand." Marluxia said lightly, smiling nonchalantly, "Finding Anchal and Megan."

"…we don't have to." Demyx said after a moment or two, staring at the section of hall just over Marluxia's shoulder.

"Oh? And why is **_that?_**" Axel asked sarcastically.

Demyx's only response was to point over Marluxia's shoulder. Axel and Marluxia turned to look just as Anchal and Megan came crashing into them, sending them all toppling over like dominoes.

"**_Eee_ooo_eee_**…lookat all the priddy colors." I said woozily, probably looking as though I'd just suffered some serious head trauma…which I had as when I fell, my legs got tangled in Marluxia's robes and had sent me head first into a potted plant.

Lucky Megan with all of her klutziness had managed to land on top of me, but had managed to somehow get her head lodged in the soil of said potted plant, so even though I cushioned her fall, it didn't mean all that much as she probably couldn't breathe.

"**See?** Toldja we didn't hafta look." Demyx said, looking oh-so proud of himself as he pulled himself off the floor and made his sitar appear, "Dance Water Dance!"

I felt something very cold slide across my stomach then watched as a tentacle made entirely of water wrapped itself around Megan's waist and tugged her head free,

I watched with a smile as Megan then spat out a mouthful of mud and shook out her head like a dog.

What happened next surprised me - a tentacle of water wrapped itself around my wrists and yanked me to my feet. But the water didn't go bye-bye like I expected it too. **_Nooo_** it decided it was happy right where it was and formed a pair of handcuffs.

"And now that we've found them, we best be off." Marluxia said genially as a pair of the water cuffs formed around Megan's wrists, "Superior is probably growing impatient."

* * *

"So…the infamous Anchal Tilak and Megan Roxbury." Xemnas smirked as we were brought before him. The cuffs had been removed once we we're in the assembly hall and the doors had been safely closed behind us. 

He looked us up and down with a scrutinizing eye, as though he was a small child who had wanted something in particular for Christmas – like, oh say, a Wii – but had instead, been given a Playstation 2.

"It's strange…I expected that women from another dimension would be a bit less plain." Xemnas said, making a huge scowl form on Megan's face. With her, it was people poking at the way she looks and with me, its my weight. It's not that we're two ton **swamp things** or somethin', but still, everyone has **_something_** they're touchy about…like a certain red-head and his sexuality.

"Yeah, um dya mind speeding this whole process up and getting to the point?" I asked drably, scratching the back of my head, "Not that your monologging isn't absolutely riveting, _**buuut**_…"

Xemnas frowned at me.

"Yeah, pick up the pace, **Mansex**." Megan snapped, looking rather crabby at the moment not noticing the intense glare Xemnas shot at her.

"…very well." He said venomously, giving us a look we were all too familiar with – it was the one our teacher's often gave us that clearly said '_shut your pie hole or die_', "Over time and a series of failures at the hands of the Keyblade Master, I've developed a theory with the help of Vexen."

He began to pace around in front of us slowly, hands behind his back.

"That if there are Princesses of Heart in this dimension, why not in another?" he said, growing more and more wound up with each passing second, "I had Vexen fashion a way of tracking down these chosen girls and your names were the first two to appear."

"_And I thought _we_ had a couple of screws loose._" I muttered under my breath to Megan.

"_No _kidding_. Can you say _psycho?" Megan whispered back, something that went completely unnoticed by Xemnas, who was too busy ranting to care.

"But knowing **who** you were and **_where_** you were wasn't enough!" He continued, his eyes glittering insanely.

"_Wowwwww…_stalkerish_ much?_" Megan mumbled to me.

"_I _think_ we've just met the man who needs to get _laid_ more than _Axel" I whispered back.

"I needed a way to reach **your** dimension, to bring _**you**_ back **here!**" Xemnas said, looking oh so proud that he had thought out all the angles, "_**Join me!**_ Once you learn to harness your powers and add them to my own, **nothing** will stop me!_** Nothing!**_"

Megan and I just stared at the guy. As far as nutcases went, he was good…very good. In fact, he was giving the two of us a run for our money. And we couldn't have that now could we?

* * *

"_Huu_, I **dunno**." I whistled, scratching my head, "I **think** I'm gonna hafta consult Chuck Norris on this one. What with him being a two thousand year old magical being, he'll know what's best." 

"I better double check with George." Megan chimed, extending a finger into her front pocket and allowing her creepy-crawly comrade to skitter on it, "After all, he **_might_** have some objections."

"…who's Chuck Norris?" Xemnas asked, looking mildly puzzled as I reached up onto my shoulder to assist the non-existent Leprechaun off my shoulder and squatted down to set him down on the floor.

"Not **now!**" Megan scolded, waving him off with one hand, holding George up to her face with on hand, "Can't you **_see_** we're a bit **busy?**"

"What was that? …huh, that's a good point Chuck Norris." I said, resting my chin in one hand as I listened intently to the fairy-tale creature that so was not there, "But we also hafta consider…well, now that you mention it, _**no**_ I **didn't** think of that Chuck Norris."

"I know it's a bit bizarre, George, but shouldn't we at least…" Megan trailed off, listening intently to the 'spzzzzzz'-ing noises her buggy buddy was emitting very closely, "Well, now that you put **_that_** way, I guess that really **IS** our only option, huh?"

"Who in the **_world_** are you **speaking** to?" Xemnas asked, looking dumbfounded as both Megan and I glowered at him.

"**_Didn't_** anybody ever **tell** you it's **_RUDE_** to **interrupt** other people's **_conversations?_**" I said scathingly, returning my focus to the empty airspace in front of me, "Now, where were we? …oh **THAT'S** right. That's **_another_** thing to factor in Chuck Norris! Good thinkin'!"

"How **wuud**!" Megan snorted before turning her attention back to the pest pal in her hand, "Now I can't remember what you **_said_** George! Dya think you could…**thank you** **_George! _**That's a good **point**! …no, I never even **_thought_** of that! You're **so** cool! …Gotcha."

Nodding in synchronization, I scooped the non-existent Chuck Norris off the floor and plopped him back on my shoulder and Megan replaced George in her front pocket.

We then turned to face Xemnas pointing at him with our index fingers, I would've gone with the middle, but…I wasn't feelin' all that lucky at the moment.

"After consulting with our advisors, the Omnipotent, Fire-starting Chuck Norris and Suupa Fly, Creator of the Coolness Factor George, we've decided that **_We_**. **Don't**. **_Wanna_**." Megan and I said together, giving Mansex a simultaneous thumbs down.

And without another word, we turned on our heels and strode out of the assembly hall, leaving Xemnas to pick his jaw off the floor.

* * *

"So…how long you think we have, Fluke?" Megan asked casually as we came to a stop just a few feet away from the double doors. 

"Dunno Yargy…I'm thinking forty-five seconds tops." I shrugged, hoping that Xaldin took care of Aflac (if he didn't, I'd come back and haunt his ass)

"**Welp!**" Megan grunted, pushing herself off the wall and dusting off the legs of her jeans, "It was nice knowin' ya buddy."

"Yeah, you were a good friend." I agreed, glomping her for good measure, "'s too bad we're gonna die dateless, huh?"

"**_Yeah!_**" Megan agreed as we pulled out of our death hug, "I mean, I haven't crossed off **ANYTHING** from my 'Things To Do Before I Die' list."

"Me either." I shrugged as the double doors the meeting hall flew open and Axel and Demyx tore out, "And I was **_really_** hoping to do the one involving twins."

"Me too." Megan sighed as Axel and Demyx closed in on us rapidly, "So goes **THAT** dream, huh? Que' Sera Sera I suppose."

We squinched our eyes shut in preparation of drownin', barbequin' or perhaps a happy mixture of the two…but the attacks never came. We wondered what was up and opened our eyes to see Axel and Demyx still running down the hall.

"…th' _**hell**_?" I muttered, quirking an eyebrow as I watched them get smaller and smaller the further away from us they traveled.

"Well **that** was special." Megan smiled, watching with a grin on her face as they rounded a corner and disappeared from sight.

"Do they **_really_** think we're that athletic?" I snorted, folding my arms and leaning back against what I thought to be a wall, "Not fer nothing, but…hey wait, why's this wall breathing?"

"…I've never been referred to as a wall before." A quiet voice said mildly, it's owner stepping back and causing me to land on my ass.

"**EEEE!** It's **_Sexy_** _**Zexy!**_" Megan cried jubilantly as the quiet man arched an eyebrow at her, "Oh…wait, that's bad, huh?

"How come you didn't go barreling past like those two?" I asked, deciding that the floor was rather comfy so staying where I was wasn't so bad.

"I scented you." Zexion replied drably, nudging the small of my back with his toe, "It wasn't that difficult."

"You're gonna kill us now, aren't ya?" Megan asked with a smile. She couldn't really complain, If we had to die, better it be at the hands of a bishie than some random Heartless.

"…I was merely instructed to take you to your room." Zexion said blandly, expression never changing (damn that was annoying) "There was nothing in my orders about killing this time."

"Well if it's on the way, can we stop by Sir Stab- I mean **Xaldin's** room?" I asked, staring up his nose at him, "I left something in his bedroom."

Zexion appeared slightly curious as to what that something was, but decided to let the matter go, merely nodding as his answer.

**Today's Life Lessons**: _Xaldin_ - too disturbing for words; _Axel _- in the midst of an identity crisis? _Demyx_ - part-time bondage queen? _Xemnas_ - needs to get laid in a big bad way; _Zexion_ - makes a good wall

* * *

(A/N: Fun with food, fun with bedtimes, fun with driving Demyx off his rocker. R&R!) 


	4. The Floor Is Made Of Lava

(A/N: Hi all! I'm waging war against my computer and finally got this chappie up! And now, without further adieu, READ ON!)

* * *

The room Zexion led us to was windowless, but had two beds – well, if you count a mattresses on the floor as a bed- a vanity, dresser and a chandelier to compensate. 

I was glad when Zexion left us. **_Man_** that guy was annoying. He never said anything – **ever** – and the pokerface he always had was really irritating. It made me wanna chub his cheeks just to see if his face was stuck like that.

I never got the chance because once he made sure we were in the room, Zexion quickly strode out and locked the door. So much for daring escape attempts.

The Organization hadn't left us much in the way of entertainment either…which was bad. Because if there was one thing you never wanted to do, it was get me and Yargy bored. Especially in the same room. It tends to lead to bouts of childish psychosis and hyperactivity.

Megan quickly noticed that the tiles on the floor were three different colors – black, grey and white – and of course, one thing led to another and were soon playing a rousing game of "_The Floor Is Made Of Lava_".

For those of you unfamiliar with the game, **I **shall enlighten you. You dub a certain color of tile – in our case, black – lava, and if you touch it, you're incinerated and are out of the game.

**_BUT!_** if there's **more** than one color of tile present, it can make things **_oh_**, so much more interesting! You can make the second color **snakes**, or **_lions_**, or in the case of Yargy and me – alligators.

Because of the way the room was built, the game got _**really**_ noisy **really** fast – namely because Yargy and I had never swung from a chandelier before and when we tried it out, it went crashing to the floor shattering glass and twisting metal.

Luckily, we managed to scramble onto white tiles before we got chomped and/or torched by the boiling hot mag-mah or ally-gaters!

Drawn by the sounds of shattering glass, our shrieks and screams, Aflac's insistent quacking and the sounds of a dresser being overturned, Xigbar apparently got curious as to what the fuss was all about and poked his nose in.

What Xigbar saw was me crawling around on the vanity like a spider monkey, Megan leaping from tile to tile shrieking like a banshee and Aflac flaring his wings as he soared towards Bigrax's face.

"Take **_care_**, son numba one!" I cried, leaping from the vanity to one of the sleeping mats, "You almost gotcher **leg** bitten off!"

"**_Ha!_** Never you mind, my Flukey Friend!" Megan whooped, bounding from white tile to white tile, "I shant let the alligators get me!"

"Don't forget about the lava!" I chimed, hopping off the futon in favor of a white tile about three feet away.

Needless to say, the Captain Jack Sparrow wannabe quickly evacuated the premises and left us to our fun.

* * *

But only three minutes after he left, our ickle tummies started to growl. We then realized how dearly we wanted Monsieur Bigrax back so we could ask him for din-din. But since this was no longer an option, I hopped from the vanity on to one of the mattresses and Megan soon joined me. 

We clasped hands, threw our heads back and-

"**_WE WANT_ FOOD! _FOOD_ WE WANT! _WE WANT_ FOOD! _FOOD_ WE WANT!**" Megan and I chanted at the top of our lungs, spinning rapidly in a circle on the mattress before hopping about the room again, Aflac joining in with some very loud quacking, "**_WE WANT_ FOOD! _FOOD_ WE WANT! _WE WANT_ FOOD! _FOOD_ WE WA-!**"

"**_WOULD YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF?_**" Saix bellowed, appearing in the room in an explosion of wispy black stuff – don't ask me what that vortex crap is made of! I don't know. I have a theory though. It's probably farts. Hee hee! _DADADADAAAA!_** FART POWER!**

Megan and I just stared at him, freezing where we were. I was on top of the over turned dresser and Megan was on the vanity. The answer to Saix's question seemed obvious to us.

"**_NNNNOOO!_**" We shrieked, going right back to our game and ignoring the berserker in our doorway.

Turned out that wasn't the brightest idea ever. Later, both Megan and myself jotted down '_don't push Lord Of The Blue Mullets over the edge_' on our list of crap we should never ever do again.

Because all we heard was a loud snarl and we were hanging by the scruffs of our collars in Saix's hands. He then slammed our skulls together and stormed out of the room, growling to himself.

"…**BRING BACK _FOOD!_**" we yelled, wincing and clutching our heads from where he knocked them together. But through sheer will and perseverance we fought our way through the pain to keep right on evading the eeebil alligators and fiery, foot melting lava.

Not long after Saix and Xigbar, Demyx stopped by and watched us…for about ten minutes, before asking the question everyone in Castle Oblivion was dying to know – why is this guy the **only** one whose direct? Even **_Axel_** dances around the subject.

"What are you guys doing?" He asked, watching I hopped from one mattress to another, "Some kind of game…maybe?"

"**Yup! **The Floor Is Made Of Lava!" Megan whooped, bounding from one white tile to the next until she reached Demyx at the door, forcing him take a step back into the hall, "**_You_** wanna play?"

"Ya! It's **loads** of fun!" I said matter-of-factly, flipping myself into a headstand –a might too fast you should know as I ended up flopping on my back on the mattress staring up Demyx's nose, "**_C'monnn!_** Y'**know** y' want to!"

Demyx looked torn. Megan and I knew he was weighing his options: play with us, get in trouble, play with us, get in trouble…he made up his mind and leaned down so he was looking Megan square in the eye, "What're th' rules?"

So sometime later, when Axel came in with a tray of food looking slightly annoyed, he nearly dropped our dinner when he saw what Demyx was doing.

"…are you completely **_mental_** dude?" he asked incredulously, eyes wide as he witnessed Demyx swinging to and fro from the cord that had once supported the chandelier.

"**AWP!**" Demyx yelped, letting go instantly and landing on the cushy landing pad of the mattress, "W-well…I was…I was just uh-err…"

"-seeing if he could reattach the chandelier!" I said, casually commandeering his sentence, "Yargy and I were playing The Floor Is Made Of Lava and we kinda sorta made it fall down."

"Wasn't that **_responsible_** of him?" Megan said with a grin, "Even though he could've slacked off and waited for Vexen t'do it, he went ahead and tried his hand at it! You should **thank** him!"

Demyx gave us a look that clearly stated, _"He is NEVER gonna buy this"_ which we countered with a cocky smile very reminiscent of Reno (Megan) and a lazy grin that would have better suited the Cheshire Cat (Me)

"Whatever." Axel shrugged setting down the tray – or to be more accurate, dropping the tray so that a couple things tipped over – "Just get the lead out dude. We're due for briefing in like two minutes."

"Okay." Demyx said, eyeing us like he expected to be struck by one of Larxene's lightning bolts, "Guess I'll be going now."

"_**Yow!**_ What th' **hell?**" Axel yelped suddenly, glaring down at Aflac as he made another attempt at biting the Flurry of Dancing Flame's ankles, "Okay, you're **_flame broiled_** and served with **orange sauce** now!"

"**_AWK!_ NO!**" I shrieked, forgetting about the game, diving across the floor and scooping up my ducky-dearest before Axel shot fire at the floor space where the fowl had been only seconds before.

"Wow…" Megan blinked, staring straight at me before extending her index finger, "You just had your feet and legs gnawed off by alligators and your torso sautéed by boiling hot mag-mah!"

"**_Damn!_**" I said snapping the fingers on my free hand and clamoring to my feet with Aflac tucked safely under my arm, "Guess I'm kinda sorta dead then, huh? Sucks to be me right now, huh?"

"**Damn** I missed." Axel snorted as Demyx made his way into the hall and he himself turned to leave, "One more day, duck. One more day on earth."

* * *

I stuck my tongue out at his back after he slammed the door and went to inspect the tray. I was surprised that it looked, despite spilt condiments, edible. 

"Hey Yargy! Chow time!" I said, extracting a handful of lettuce off the plate that would be deemed Megan's (she doesn't like a lot of ruffage) so Aflac could eat.

"**_Sweeeeeet!_**…y' don't think it's poisoned do ya?" Megan asked, staring at the tray and poking the food on her plate with one finger experimentally as if she expected it to start moving.

"_Phwuhff?_" I replied through the mouthful of sammich I had already taken. I quickly swallowed and took a deep breath to reply, "Well, poisoned or not, it's still good. I'll take my chances."

"M'kay." Megan shrugged, grabbing her own sammich and taking a big bite, "**WOW!** These **_are_** good. If they are pizzened then I'll die a happy death! **Woot!**"

We ended up only finishing half our food and started building food sculptures. I was working on an okay looking Dancer Nobody and Megan was manipulating her leftovers into the shape of a Heartless.

"Ready?" I asked after we had finished admiring our work.

"Mm-hm!" Megan replied, shooting me a wicked grin.

"**_FOOD FIGHT!_**" We shrieked, lobbing great big gobs of food at each other. The hurricane of food lasted uptil the point we heard an indignant yelp behind us.

We looked over our shoulders…or I should say I looked over my should and Megan rose up on her knees and also looked over my shoulder…to see Saix swiping a good amount of mashed up food off his face.

"**What the _hell_ were you two _doing?_**" He cried, staring at the mess we had made.

"_**Plaaaaaying**_." Megan replied with a smile, "Why dya ask?"

"**Throwing handful of what was _meant_ to be your dinner is _NOT_ playing!**" Saix fumed.

"…it isn't?" I asked, cocking my head to the side, "Weird, it was fun for me."

"Now the **_room_** will need to be cleaned, the **chandelier** repaired, your **_bedding_** replaced...and **you** **_two_** need **baths**." he growled, grasping us by the wrists and hauling us into his horrible stinky fart-tex of doom.

Saix got lucky. Megan and I **_DIDN'T_** add to the mess on his face by throwing up. And thankfully as soon as the ride started, it was over…and we found ourselves in a much bigger, much nicer, far cleaner space than we had been in seconds before.

The bath had to be at least as big as an Olympic sized swimming pool meaning either A) these people liked their space B) Demyx threw a big, sissy temper tantrum until he got his way or C) it came with the castle. And while I'm inclined to choose B) I could be wrong y'know.

Saix quickly abandoned us, grinding out that he'd send someone for us later.

* * *

But that was beside the point. There was a huge pool of hot steamy water just begging for Megan and me to jump in. And we were about to…until a thought occurred to me and I dragged Megan back from the edge. 

"**Fluuuu_uuuke!_**" She whined, tugging frantically to free herself from my grip and into the water, seeming to forget that she was still fully clothed, "**C'mon!** I've got _**meat juice**_ in my hair."

"Yeah, but did you ever consider the fact that Demyx might just be watching us through the water?" I asked, letting go of her wrist to allow her to absorb the information.

"But if Demyx watches us through the water…" Megan said slowly, dots slowly connecting in her head, "Then that would make him-!"

"-A Pervert!" I said with a grin…which quickly left my face as Yargy and I stared at each other, neither of us saying a word.

"**_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!_ A PERVERT! WE'RE TRAPPED WITH A _DEVIANT_! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!**" We started screaming, laughing all the while.

"**_I AM _NOT!**" Demyx protested - directly behind us I might add – making Megan and I jump about a foot in the air.

"The very fact that you're in here while we are is an indication of perverted tendencies, Taro-kun." I smirked in my best Haruhara Haruko impersonation – which isn't all that shabby I must say.

"Yes, you want pervvy goodness, badness, bondage – whatever - go on the internet." Megan said, also recovering quickly, "After all…_The internet is for porn! The internet is for porn!_ –"

"_Grab your dick and double click for PORN PORN PORN!_" We sang together, poor Demyx's face doing a strange little twisty dance as he tried to comprehend what we were saying.

"...what's **_porn?_**" Demyx asked, looking very confused. But that's okay. He's positively adorable when he's looking confused. What? Can't I be a fangirl **and** a prisoner at the same time? ...thats what I thought!

"Well, if you **_really_** must know, porn is..." Megan started whispering into Demyx's ear. His face went five shades of red when he realized what we were implying. I guess Demi-chan skipped sex-ed.

"You guys are **totally** off your **_rockers!_**" Demyx cried, dashing towards the door, stumbling a bit as he tripped over his own feet...not that I really noticed - I was too busy admiring his ass (I know. I'm bad) and darted into the vortex he created in front of the ceiling high doors.

"…whaddya think, a bit too harsh?" Megan asked, glancing at me.

"Nah." I smirked lazily, "He'll need to toughen up sooner or later."

* * *

(A/N: A run in with Luxord, sleep over insanity and ...a quick trip home? R&R!) 


	5. Blonde Jokes

(A/N: Hey all! Next chappie up! Enjoy it people!)

**_

* * *

_**

Our bath was rather uneventful after Demyx left, and aside from a soap bubble fight, no mass destruction was caused on our part.

We found that sometime during the course of our bath our clothing had been washed (…had a Dusk slipped in while we weren't looking?) and had been joined by a pair of bathrobes and slippers.

We took turns getting out and redressing and no sooner than we had tied our sashes…or as I call them, toilet belts, than a warpy vortex of reality warpiness appeared and an Organization member stepped out of it.

Well, if you wanna get specific, **LUXORD** walked out of it, looking as though he'd rather be hitting the Black Jack tables than be here with us. He noticed Aflac first, as my ducky-dearest took time out of his busy schedule to peck the Gambling King's ankle, and noticed us only when Aflac flew to the safety of my arms to escape the Eebil Death Cards of Doom.

"Hey, you must be the Mad Princesses that Superior was going on about." Luxord drawled indifferently, eyeing Megan carefully with a look on his face that said he was about to take a huge gamble, "'s funny…I always thought princesses were supposed to be **_pretty_**."

Megan's face twitched and she let out a growl. Yargy's looks are hard to explain but I'll try - it's like she sorta pretty but sorta plain? But that's beside the point. The point is that if Luxord gave her another push, whatever happened to him was totally out of my hands.

Then he turned his attention to me…by which I mean he leaned over and gave my belly a poke. Luxord stared at the spot for a long time as though it was a jiggling bowl of Jello – it's **NOT!** I'm a very **_healthy_** weight for someone as tall as me!

"And I **definitely** must have been misinformed about the whole, '_princesses being willowy beauties_'." Luxord said, clicking his tongue sadly as I raised an eyebrow at him, "Nope. I _**never**_ expected for the **life** of me for a Princess of Heart to be **fat**. But, you live, you learn I guess."

He'd just tread on No Man's Land. He had just **_pooked_** my pudge and called me **fat**. The last person to call me the F-word was back in tenth grade and I had given that anorexic ho a broken jaw (it wasn't that hard; she obviously hadn't been getting enough calcium)

Now Luxord examined both of our faces, mine having that raging-beneath-the-surface quality about it and Megan's just flat out pissed, and tried to evaluate the best way to escape this situation completely intact.

"So…um…are either of you ladies up for a game?" he ventured off the cuff.

"**_Russian Rou_lette?**" Megan growled out, cracking her knuckles and taking a step towards him.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a game of cards." Luxord said offhandedly, allowing a deck of 52 cards to flow easily a card at a time out of his sleeve and into his hand.

"…y'know how t' play Gin?" I asked mildly, not about to let this guy onto the sheer depth of how much I was seething.

"Of course." Luxord replied, dealing out the cards in such a way that it wasn't necessary for us to sit down. This was nice as we were still in the middle of the hallway and the floor was looking mighty hard. It really would do no butt justice.

* * *

I managed to get a fairly decent hand, 5–6-7-8 of hearts and a few random cards that I could quickly discard. 

I wasn't so sure about Megan…until I noticed the smirk flit across her face. Yup, she'd gotten a decent hand too.

But of course, where we had gotten respectable hands Luxord had gotten a fan-fucking-tastic hand and completely steam rolled us.

And of course, after that, he insisted on another hand…and another…and another…until finally, we resorted to the lowest of the low to rid ourselves of him.

"Hey Yargy? Howdya kill a hundred blondes?" I asked lazily in the middle of the tenth hand.

"I don't know. How Fluke?" Megan asked, looking at me from the corner of her eye.

"Throw a dollar over a cliff." I replied. Megan threw back her head and laughed and Luxord looked as though he'd been slapped.

"**No!** _**No!**_ Oh **god! **I've got a better one!" Megan hooted, wiping tears out of her eyes.

"Really? Well do share." I replied, languorous smile making its way across my face.

"Howdya kill even more blondes after that?" Megan asked, looking as though she was about to burst.

"I dunno." I shrugged, noting with some satisfaction that Luxord looked ready to snap.

"Tell them no one got the dollar!" Megan howled, sending me over the edge and into a fit of laughter.

"What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a shopping cart?" I asked Megan, noting the lovely shade of red Luxord was turning, "The shopping cart has a mind of its **_own!_**" (no one pooks my pudge and calls me fat, bitch!)

"What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?" Megan choked out after she'd recovered from her laughing fit enough to talk, "**A mental block!**"

"How do blonde brain cells die?" I asked, grinning from ear to ear now – we were on a roll - "**_Alone!_**"

"How does a blond spell farm?" Megan asked, very pink in the face from laughing so hard, "**E-I-E-I-_O!_**"

"How do you keep a blonde busy all day?" I asked, my lungs burning from trying to obtain precious oxygen and laugh at the same time, "Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner!"

* * *

Luxord apparently didn't appreciate the hilarity of Blonde Jokes as much as we did as he reformed his fart-tex of stinky black doom around us after that last one (touched a nerve maybe?) and zapped us back to our squeaky clean bedroom. 

He then let out a loud _'HMPH!'_ And poofed himself elsewhere, leaving us all by our lonesome. It didn't remain that way for long however as three more reality warping vortexes appeared and Vexen, Demyx and Axel appeared.

"_**Sheesh**_… you two cause trouble wherever you go." Axel snorted, eyeing Aflac out of the corner of his eye.

"Why're you guys here? Hoping for some yuri action?" I drawled, smirking at the '_WTF is Yuri?_' looks I received.

"…no, I was merely sent to inform you two of your elements." Vexen said slowly, eyeing us carefully.

"Why would we care about the weather?" Megan grinned, drawing a displeased frown from Vexen, "I'm **joking**, dude! _**God!**_"

"Yeah, you'd better remove what ever metal object's been rammed up your ass before it infects." I sad idly, a lazy grin forming on my lips at the shade of red Vexen turned.

He cleared his throat very loudly, indicating that it was his turn in the spotlight and we were to shut up now and listen to him…amazing how he can cram all that into one little cough, huh?

"Now then, Anchal Tilak, your main element is that of Water." He said, reading off a leaflet in his hands, "Your secondary element is strength."

"…**_oooooookaaaaaaay._**" I said slowly, not buying this – at all.

"Megan Roxbury, your main element is that of Fire." Vexen continued to tick off, "And your secondary element is speed."

"**Allllrighty **then. Whatever you say buddeh." Megan shrugged.

Wow…we were polar opposites, Megan and I…at least where it came to ability. But then again, I was almost certain they had snatched up the wrong two girls. I mean, in India, Tilak is like Smith or Brown over here! And Roxbury isn't all that uncommon of a surname.

Yup, yup, yup. They had more likely than not made a huge miscalculation and the real Princess Anchal Tilak and Megan Roxbury were probably still at home, nice and comfy chowing down on E-Z Cheez and Ritz while watching lame chick flicks.

"Because you are a Princess of Heart, you do not hold the power to control the Heartless like other people if they were removed of their hearts. And you never will be able to control them. To compensate for this, you have been given an extra power." Vexen explained, apparently oblivious to the _We-Don't-Care_ looks on our faces, "I discovered that the 1st ability is easily tracked by the princess's birth date. You two are referred to more commonly as Twilight Princesses."

"I think **_Mad _**Princesses suit them better." Demyx grinned, making Vexen shoot him a withering look at him for interrupting. I was personally thankful. My poor widdle brain could only take so much. But as soon as the break started, it was over and Vexen plowed right on ahead.

"A Twilight Princess is one whose heart holds both light and darkness. Unlike the other Princesses of Heart, whose hearts are made up almost completely of light, yours has equal amounts of light and darkness. The responsibility of the Twilight Princesses is to contain the darkness that would normally be found in the hearts of the Princesses of Light's."

* * *

By the time he'd finished, I'm pretty sure he expected some kind of big reaction out of us…but he was in for a big disappointment if he was. My eyes were glazed over and staring out the window – you know the one. It says, '_I know I should be listening…but why?_'. Megan had an unfocused, detached look you'd give parents while their lecturing you after you sneak in after curfew. 

Vexen wasn't pleased at being ignored when saying something relevant, so he strode over to us and snapped his fingers in front of our noses…which was **uber** creepy as it reminded me of my old Psych prof.

Well that jerked us out of our stupor and made us grin up at him.

"I'm sorry, what?" we said sheepishly, scratching the backs of our heads sheepishly.

Vexen, glowered at us and poofed himself away, fuming, right where he stood, leaving us alone with Demyx and Axel.

Both of us cocked our heads at them, staring at the pair hard.

"Sleepover?" we asked, inching towards them a bit.

"You wish." Axel snorted, inching his way towards my ducky-darling, probably in hopes of a barbeque, "We're just here to make sure you don't pull any more crap tonight."

"…sleepover?" we asked again, shuffling even closer to them, ready to employ the sad puppy face if necessary…not that we knew if it would have any effect on them – no hearts and all that crap.

"Sorry. Watch dogs only." Demyx shrugged, taking a seat and magicking his sitar into his hands, strumming out a few notes, "'sides, I don't know what you even do at a sleepov-"

"We'll **teach** you!" Yargy and I announced, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him to the floor in a crisscross position.

"Hey, arencha forgetting someone?" Axel drawled, jerking his thumb towards himself as Aflac scurried into my lap.

"I don't want my hand scorched…howabout you?" I asked, glancing at Megan casually.

"Naw, not really." Megan shrugged, patting the ground next to her where Axel flopped down a bit huffily. Well, **_sorrrrrrry_** bud! You attempted **Fowl Slaughter!** _**TWICE!**_ I'd be mad at you if you weren't so gosh durned cute.

What followed was a rousing game of Truth or Dare. During this game, I admited to having a crush on my third grade art teacher, having been afraid of the dark until I was sixteen, and that my favorite color was blue (how original Demi-chan)

Also, I had to stand in the open window without pressing against the sides for balance, lick a random rock on the wall, and admit my undying love to a sock (very funny Axel)

Megan had to fess up to wetting the bed until she was seven, being a near chronic nail biter and that she had a sick obsession for mayo (…well at least she admits it – **FINALLY**!)

Her dares were to stand on her head for ten minutes…she lasted two and keeled over – to kiss Aflac without getting bitten (_**Success!**_ I do it all the time so he's used to it! Screw **you** Axel!) and walk in a straight line (…she couldn't do it. I toldja she's a klutz)

There were no truths with the Nobodys. That'd just be outright mean…but there were dares, oh yes…_hehehe_.

"I won't **DO** _**IT!**_" Axel declared loudly, arms crossed adamantly over his chest, "No **way!**"

"C'mon. You wanna prove your'e not gay, **_riiiiiiiiight?_**" we grinned watching the inner battle that must have been being waged twist his face into some very interesting expressions.

"Well **YEAH**, but I'm not gonna kiss **_him_** t' prove I'm not **gay!**" Axel said, very pink in the face as he pointed at Demyx.

"And what's **_wrong_** with me?" Demyx wanted to know, looking a bit miffed, "Am I **that** hard on the eyes?"

"Oh not **_you_** **too!**" Axel cried, massaging his temples as we comforted Demyx by telling him not to listen to Axel that he was, well, for lack of better words, very fuckable.

This brought a smug grin to Demyx's face and he straightened himself up, looking a bit proud of himself.

"**UrrrrRRRRR _FINE!_**" Axel snapped, giving Demyx a quick peck on the cheek that was so fast that if you blinked you would've missed it, "**There!** I _**did**_ it! **Happy** now?"

"Very." We said seriously, "**_Honestly_**, making such a **big** **fuss** over a **_itsy-bitsy_** peck on the cheek."

* * *

The two then returned to their corners and we meandered over to our mattresses. It didn't take long for us to konk out, after all, so many people to annoy, so little time. 

We were awakened the next morning by snickering. Or, to get specific, Axel and Demyx's snickering. You see, Megan and I hace rather weird sleep habits. I talk, quite avvidly, in my sleep while burrowing under my covers and Yargy twists herself up in the sheets until she needs help untangling herself...and also sleep talks...well more like sleep mumbles. With me, I hold entire conversations in my sleep - Padma recorded me one night just to prove it to me (and for those who are wondering about Padma, she's my big sis)

"Rise and shine ladies." Axel said far too cheerfully, flipping my mattress and sending me flying to the floor screeching, "**THE _PURPLE_ PEOPLE!**"

This jolted Megan awake...though not in time to dodge the jet of water Demyx shot at her.

"Whuddabout the Purple People?" Megan asked, wiping some water droplets out of her eyes.

"They're _**mad**_ at me cuz I stepped on their **igloos!**" I cried, calming down as I realized, "Hey this isn't North Platte, Nebraska. Guess it really **_was_** a dream then."

"Yuh...this is some fangirl's atempt at fanfiction gone seriously wrong." Megan said listlessly, "Do we **hafta** get up? I hasta be **_six_** or something! That's **_illegal!_**"

"No it's not illegal and yes, you have to get up. We're taking you home -!" Demyx began, the words home **INSTANTANEOUSLY** bringing us to full consciousness, "-to get some supplies."

"Sweet. I getsta see my bruddas an' sistahs, homeslice." I smirked, thinking up as many things as I could to stall them once we got their.

"Brothers and sisters? How many do you have?" Axel asked in an I-Really-Don't-Care-But-Prolonged-Silence-Bugs-Me kinda way.

"She's the youngest of seven!" Megan grinned toothilly, hoping out of bed in search of her jeans...and George.

"Seriously?" Demyx asked, looking a bit skeptical, "Then name'em off."

"Manu, Rishi, Padma, Amar, Lata, Tarun." I ticked off, without missing a beat.

Axel and Demyx stared at me like I was high.

"Alright then." Axel said nonchalantly, looking a little disturbed at how many sibs I had (what can I say? my mom's basically a uterus with a head) "Well...get ready t' go. Don't just sit there. Got it memorized?"

"Yeah, yeah. we got it." we drawled lazily, already knowing the battle that lay ahead of them. We smirked evilly to ourselves. This was gonna be good.

* * *

(A/N: Overprotective families, Mansex grows impatient -no wonder with these two- and an appearance by a special someone! R&R) 


	6. The Long Way Home? Not Really

(A/N: Hey all! I'm starting this off with a disclaimer. I gotta before I forget to! I own nothing except my insanity, Anchal and her family, and the duck named Aflac. Megan is a character from the mind of Yargy the Pirate Queen! I no own! That being said, sixth chapter up! Reviews trickling in, and I press on! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!)

* * *

We were giddy, absolutely loopy and **delirious** with happiness – we we're going **_home_** – where Cheetos, trash T.V. and the **internet** existed! Where Megan's hot neighbor walks around with his **_shirt_** **_off_** in the **front yard!** _Droooool_…off topic, I know – but if you _**saw**_ this guy! 

Needless to say that Yargy and I were a tad bit hyper that morning. I really don't know **_how_** Marluxia managed to deal. I mean, if **he** was me and **_I_** were him I woulda whipped out that pink scythe and sliced his **head** off already…but there in lies the difference between us. Marluxia has the patience of a saint, whereas I have enough to fill a thermos.

But it was a good thing Marluxia was there. If not for him, Axel would have charbroiled our temporary digs for sure. Demyx was a bit different. He just whipped out his sitar and played until he'd calmed down (he's really good by the way. y'wouldn't think that with him being so flaky)

And since we're on the topic of Axel, I have to tell you, he is out to **_get_** Aflac. I'm **serious**. No joke. He's already tried to deep fry my ducky-darling **_three times_** this morning. But Aflac has the devil's own luck it seems and is impossible to kill (**ha _ha!_** Aflac will live on in memory of **Kenny!**)

And then there's Xigbar and George – he tried t' smash'em with out **_breakfast tray!_** Can you **believe** that guy? Whatcha wanna bet George dropped Xiggy's Coolness Factor rating by twenty points? You don't **_mess_** with the perfect score! And I mean, it wasn't like the little guy was **hurting** anything. He was just kinda sitting there.

What **_is it_** with the Organization and trying to **murdelize** other people's _**pets?**_ **Honestly**! I think that they're just **_jealous_** that our pets are _**waaaaay**_ more stylish than their pets could ever **hope** to be! I mean really, Dusk Nobodies look **_so_** freaking retarded. And the way they move is oh-so reminiscent of Michael Jackson…_brrrr_.

But back to the topic at hand – home and us going there! Megan was so happy she was practically bouncing off the walls! Her family may not be as big as mine, but it's very close knit so she was wriggling like a puppy…not that I wasn't.

* * *

"What are you two so excited about?" Axel asked, looking at me with his almost abnormally green eyes. 

"We're going** home!**" Megan grinned, answering the question for me.

"Only for a few minutes." Axel snorted.

"_**So?**_ I'm **excited!**" She whooped.

Axel looked around the room as if asking it "_why me?_" Demyx and Axel than went over the game plan for a couple minutes. However, remember how I said my patience could fill a thermos? Well someone just knocked my thermos over and I quickly grabbed Demyx by the collar of his coat.

"Come on, **D-man!** Get that dark portal _**going!**_" I grinned excitedly, shaking him a bit.

"I will once you let me **go!** **_Yeesh!_**" He said trying to pry my fingers off. I unhinged my fingers from his coat and he smoothed out his jacket before summoning the portal.

"Ok. When we get there, take only-!" Marluxia started but…we kinda sorta interrupted.

"**SQUEE!**" Megan cried said jumping into the portal with my hands in the air.

"_**BANZAI!**_" I whooped, performing a cannonball into the vortex.

**We're going _home!!_** I'm pretty sure Yargy's parents have called out the National Guard or sent out an Amber Alert trying to find her by now. My parents may have called the International Alliance of Taxi Drivers and Seven Eleven Clerks to sweep the streets for me. I betcha thought I was gonna say **Al Quaida!** **_WE'RE _NOTTERRORISTS_ DAMN IT!_**

We couldn't believe it! We we're** home!** The two of us basically fell out of the T.V. in my bedroom, landing in a happy heap on the ground.

I glanced excitedly around my room. All. My. _**STUFF!**_ I was just so happy! Xaldin spiked the fruit juice this mornin' I tells ya! I heard the rippling of the T.V. that told me that Axel, Marluxia and Demyx were coming through…but I barely paid attention. They all climbed out gracefully, Demyx and Axel actually managing to stay standing.

"Pay attention when someone's talking to you." Axel said. Was **he** attempting to teach **_US_** **manners?** **_HA_HA_HA_HA_HA_HA_HA!_** We really didn't pay attention. Where was everybody?

"Ok, as I was saying, take only what you nee - eh? Where are you going?" Marluxia asked, looking a tad miffed as we shot out of my room.

"**T'see if my _family's_ home!**" I yelled over my shoulder leaping from the top of the stairs and landing at the base with a loud BMM. I grinned broadly as pleasant pain traveled up my calves, "_Hee_...I **_jumped_**."

The noise also drew Padma and Manu from the living room.

* * *

"**FLUKE!** Where in **_Vishnu's_** **name** have you _**been?**_" my very pregnant, **very** pissed older sister shouted at me, "Mother and Father have out of their **_minds_** with worry!" 

Unlike me, Padma, Manu…well, all of my older siblings actually, speak with a rich, flowing accent that I admit I'm slightly jealous of (I only have a slight lilt that's barely noticable). They were born and raised for the most part in Agra, India…whereas I was born in India and raised in The States and only get to visit our relatives in Agra for two months during summer vacation.

"Megan, why doncha take the 'recruiters' to your house while I settle things over here?" I called up the stairs. I heard the telltale sounds of my window being opened meaning Yargy was on her way out (she **never** used the front door if she could help it)

"I cannot **_believe_** you would just **run off** with out a **_word_** to mother and **father!**" Padma said disapprovingly, "You **_know_** it's your responsibility as a well-adjusted female member of the Tilak family to **always** be respectful to your mother and fa-!"

"Well adjusted? I'm not well adjusted. I'm on **_Vicadin_** when I visit you." I snorted, folding my arms over my head. I knew what was coming next and prepped myself to duel it out in Hindi (it's my second language – so sue me.)

Padma proceeded to shriek at me that she could not believe I had become such a miscreant, that Vishnu must be crying at his mistake, that heaven forefend I ever have children – the classics.

I countered with the usuals – that at least I didn't have an arranged husband who cheated with his secretary, that at least I knew the meaning of the word fun and didn't have a stick shoved up my posterior and that I never planned on having kids anyway.

Manu had taken this opportunity to slip out of the room. He was always so passive – plus he didn't like fighting to begin with so…not that I blame him. It's not like I **enjoy** fighting with Padma. It's just…she just **_gets_** to me! Besides, I **know** it can't be good for the **_baby_**…but do I stop yelling insults in Hindi at my elder sister? **Hellllllll** **_no_**. I'm awful.

During the midst of all this, Megan had returned (yes, through the window again) and was peering at us over the lip of the stairs, Marluxia staring at Padma and me with a note of faint interest as we fought, in what must have been from his perspective, complete and total gibberish.

We only stopped fighting when the front door opened and my mom…well, **our** mom…dropped a load of groceries on the ground. I could tell from a look she was in shock at the level of depravity we were spouting in her mother language.

* * *

"**_Anchal!_ Padma!** What on **_earth_** has gotten **into** you?" she cried, looking incredibly pissed (I didn't think my Mommy could **_get_** that mad), "Anchal, you have **_always_** had a bit of a wild streak, but **Padma!** My _**eldest**_ daughter! To hear you spout such **filth!** To disgrace your mother _**tongue!**_" 

Padma looked ready to **cry!** Now that **_REALLY_** couldn't have been good for the baby! Shifting from blinding rage to hysterics? **Please be okay lil' fetus!**

"And **_you!_** **Where** have you **_been?_**" she said, redirecting her attention to me now that Padma had taken off to the living room to cry on Manu (Sorry bro!) "And don't you **dare** feed me any more of those ridiculous lies about…**_illusory_** characters springing to life!"

I pouted. So goes the idea of telling the truth. Okay, go with option B) I proceeded to tell my seething Mommy that Megan and I had been at an orientation for a school funded trip abroad and that I'd be gone for a year or so…and that we we're leaving today (**hey**, it was off the cuff!…**_shut up!_**)

This of course shocked my mom…in a good way. I've **never** been academically inclined like my other sibling (Imma disappointment) so she and my dad supported me 100 anytime I showed **_anything_** remotely **close** to interest when it came to schooling.

She merely gave me a hug…that almost **SUFFOCATED ME** and told me to let her know when I was leaving. **_See?_** She wants to **shove me** off as **_fast_** as humanly **possible!** Sad, huh…but I can't say I blame her. I do draw her pride and joy Padma into pointless arguments, speaking of which, I'd better go apologize.

By the time I finished giving an apology that was good enough to calm Pissy Padma down, Manu needed a new shirt (she completely drenched his) and Axel looked ready to blow his top.

"**WHAT _TOOK_ _YOU_ SO FREAKING LONG?**" He cried, setting a magazine on my desk ablaze (I don't care; it's Lata's), "Even **_this_** psycho's parents didn't take **this** long!"

"They freaked huh?" I smirked knowingly, aiding Megan who had already begun tossing my things through the dark warpy vortex of reality warpiness.

"They thought I'd become a part of a prostitution ring and that these three were my pimps." Megan giggled, eyes dancing from the memory, "My **_dad_** even took it so far as to suggest Marluxia had **raped** me and that I was now **_preggers_** with his illegitimate** baby!**"

"_**HA!**_" I laughed, tossing my laptop and a book of DVD's through the portal, "That's a riot!"

"Her mom said I had a mullet! **A _MULLET!_**" Demyx cried, looking mortally offended, "It's not a mullet, it's a Mohawk! A MOHAWK! Howdyou mistake a **_mohawk_** for a **mullet?**"

"We know, Demyx we know." Marluxia sighed, as I tossed my overly loved baby blankey through the vortex (…_whaaaaat_?)

"Is that _**everything?**_" Axel asked snappishly, looking like he wanted to get out of here N-O-W.

"Almost. Just let me tell them goodbye alright?" I said, turning to leave my room, "After all, I don't know **when** I'm coming home again…if I'm coming home at all."

"Fine. But you should know that if Castle Oblivion falls, we'll be your homes as strong holds." Marluxia said matter-of-factly, drawing short laughs from Yargy and me.

"I hate to disappoint you, but my parents have a strict no guy policy." Megan grinned, leaning against the wall, "Of course, I'm pretty sure you figured that out by now."

"My religion doesn't allow me to bed under the same roof as an unrelated male…unless I'm considering them for marriage of course." I smirked, enjoying the looks on Demyx and Axel's faces (I know I kinda sorta staying in Castle Oblivion at the same time as them...but they don't need to know that, do they?)

* * *

"My patience is growing **_thin_**." Xemnas said bitterly. 

"Well you're going to have to be for a time longer." A girl's voice replied. Well that would have to be Naminé as she is the only other girl present in the castle. (I don't count Larxene)

"How much longer? Kingdom Hearts can't wait forever." Xemnas ground out irritably.

"They need to awaken their powers first. Even then, we need to let their hearts grow stronger still. Give them time – it's only been a day." Naminé explained in an even tone, sketching on the pad before her as she spoke.

"And **why**, may I ask, are you being so **_serene?_**" Xemnas spat out petulantly, striding around the teenage Nobody tetchily.

"I suppose I simply have more self control than you do." Naminé replied, not lifting her eyes from the page in front of her even as Xemnas loosed a short snort of disbelief.

"I **highly** doubt that." He smirked, shaking his head, "If they can activate their powers with strong emotions, why have they not been able to awaken them? I have heard from various Organization members that they have **_more_** than enough emotion…as well as energy to spare."

"True…even though I haven't witnessed it myself first hand." Naminé said vaguely, adjusting herself in her seat, "Vexen told me that he believes they need to be in a life or death situation or…in a blinding rage."

"How do you propose we do that?" Xenmas asked, his interest having been piqued at the prospects of possibly getting to harm one or both of the girls.

"Simple, they need to be provoked." Naminé replied, eyes drifting over the paper.

"The others have told me that they only answer in sarcasm...something I myself can attest to," Xemnas tetchily recalling his first meeting with the now affectionately dubbed Mad Princesses.

Naminé was silent for a moment and all was heard was the sound of her pencil flying over the paper.

"Can't we simply hand them over to **Saix?**" Xemnas suggested in an almost pouting tone, "They would agitate him, he would go Berserk and then their powers would awaken."

"The Twilight Princesses would probably **_die_** before their powers awakened." Naminé said pointedly.

"…_damn_." Xemnas muttered irritably making Naminé smirk behind her sketchpad.

* * *

(A/N: Fun with Larxene, iPods and...dancing Ducks?...th' hell? R&R!) 


	7. iPods, Lollipops & Rainbows

(A/N: Hey all! Sorry this took so long, but I had guests to entertain! So without further adieu, Chapter Seven! READ ON, PEEPS!)

* * *

I'll admit it. At the moment, I was a _little_ bent out of shape. It was all thanks to Larxene too. I don't know **_whyyyy_**, but for **some** reason, she thought Megan and I **_had_** to be fantastic cooks (and you assume this cuz why? …I swear ta god, if you make a fat joke, I'll snap you in half!) and should make the Organization breakfast. 

First of all, if you've been paying **any** attention at all, you'll know that I've very few things I can be proud of – being unbelievably random and weird and having a cast iron stomach just about covers it. You'll note that **_nowhere_** on that short list does it say I can cook.

I can make Kraft macaroni and cheese…and frozen pizza…but anything more elaborate than **that** and you'd **_better_** call the fire department, poison control **and** HAZMAT just to be on the safe side.

**_Hey_**, if you think I'm dicking around here, just ask the Organization…when they can talk again. Is it **my** fault that salt and sugar look a lot alike? And just **_happened_** to be situated next to each other? In nearly **identical** containers my craptastic brain couldn't tell apart first thing in the morning?

Megan is quite the opposite. She actually **_CAN_** cook. It may just be simple stuff like pancakes, scrambled eggs and stuff like that, but the fact that she can mix seasonings in proper proportions is something I'm quite envious of. I'm usually adding three cups of oil in place of the flour I need. It's really pathetic.

But now we were locked up in our rooms (that's right – they **SEPERATED _US!_**) talking to each other through windows. Meaning we we're practically dangling over the pit of jagged, stony death every time we wanted to chat (which was often)

"**_SOOO!_ WHAT'RE YA DOIN'?**" I shouted out the window, hoping to high heaven that this ledge was sturdy and wouldn't be giving way anytime soon.

"**TALKIN' TO _YOU!_ WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?**" Megan yelled back, leaning out a bit further than she needed to, but…you have to remember that we keep Common Sense and Sensibility locked away in itsy-bitsy cages in the backs of our subconscious.

"**_NOOO!_ YOU MISUNDERSTOOD ME!**" I bellowed, leaning out a bit more (woo that was a long way down) "**I MEANT BE_SIDES_ TALKIN' T' ME, WHAT'RE YA DOIN'?**"

"**_OOOOOHH!_**" she hollered back, looking a bit sheepish, "**I'M WORKIN' ON A FANFIC I PUT ON _HOLD_ FOR AWHILE! THIS PLACE HAS BEEN GREAT FOR UNCORKING MY _WRITER'S BLOCK!_ HOWBOUT YOU? WHAT'RE _YOU_ DOIN'?**"

"**LISTENING TO MUSIC, TEACHING AFLAC TO DANCE, NOTHIN' SPECIAL!**" I screamed back, leaning back into my room a ways (wooo…go 'way vertigo, go 'way!) "**_WISH_ I COULD SAY I WAS COMING UP WITH THE CURE FOR CANCER, BUT _AMAR'S_ ALREADY WORKIN' ON THAT SO WHY BUST _MY_ HUMP?**"

* * *

"**_WOULD YOU TWO _SHUT _UP? YOU'RE _BREAKING_ MY CONCEN_TRATION!**" a distant, aggravated female voice snarled. Megan and I, effectively distracted from our conversation, looked down to find Larxene staring up at us snootily. 

I had never been particularly fond of Larxene. In the game, the blonde cockroach had been the one to give me the most trouble. Th' stupid whore had repeatedly sent me back to the save point again…and again…and again (can you a pattern developing here people?) So it should really come as no surprise when I calmly grabbed my wastebasket and dumped the contents out the window.

"**_HERE'S_ A WILD IDEA! WHY DON'T YOU GO SOMEWHERE _ELSE?_**" Megan shouted at her as she easily evaded the trash I had hurled out the window.

"**HOWBOUT NO? …YA STUPID, CRAZED UP _FRUIT LOOP?_**" Larxene shouted back, as I felt around for more crap to throw at her. Unfortunately, what I lobbed happened to be my beloved blankey.

"**NO!**" I shrieked, diving after it without a second thought. I know what you're thinking, "Hey Fluke…that's kinda dumb." **NO SHIT SHERLOCK! **I'd only realized the true gravity of my idiocy after I'd grabbed my blanket out of midair and felt myself tumble away from the window sill.

"This…_isnotgood._" I squeaked as I fell out the open window. My Sensibility was pissing himself in the corner of his cage and screaming like a little girl…between the ages of three and four. Maybe she had been startled by a mouse, a bug or and angry dog. But that wasn't important. What was important was the fact that my Sensibility screams like a four-year old girl…named Cindy.

So basically, while the smart part of my brain was going, _"SCREAM YA CRAZY BITCH!" _the…other parts of my brain were going, _"Welp, good game America!"_ and _"What's this strange whooshing sensation rushing past my ears?"_ and _"Well, this is gonna hurt good."_

But as soon as I started falling I stopped. This caused the smart part of my brain to go, _"WHAT THE FUCK? WHY AREN'T WE DEAD YET?" _whereas the other parts of mind told me to look up…which I did…with a degree of difficulty.

* * *

"Do we need to strap you to the bed?" Zexion asked mildly, dangling me out the window by my ankle. 

"**Heeeey!** How ya been, Sexy Zexy? We missed you! Did I forget to mention last time that you make a **_fantasmagoric_** wall?" Megan grinned, waving at him furiously from her open window. She hadn't panicked when I'd fallen – she's used to me falling out of windows (don't ask)

Zexion just gave her a bemused look and tugged me up through the window by my ankle a bit more roughly than necessary (hey! I'm still attached to that!)

"**Aww, _ZEXION! _WHAT TH' _HELL_ DID YOU _CATCH_ HER FOR?**" Larxene yelled up at him in frustration.

"…because, I don't wish to be reprimanded by Superior." Zexion said looking at the woman below, taking a pause reeling me in to chide the giant cockroach.

"**_Ha_** ha! Larxene got in **truuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh_bull!_**" Megan hooted, looking very happy at this particular tidbit, "Take **that** ya puffed up, blonde **_beetle!_**"

"**WHAT DID YOU CALL _ME?_**" Larxene shouted up at her as Zexion finally pulled me all the way back into my room (how did she manage to hear her when she was talking normally?)

"**_YOU _HEARD_ ME ANTENAE GIRL!_**" Megan yelled back, leaning out her window and shaking her fist.

"Must they shout?" Zexion asked, staring at them through the window.

"Well obviously yes. Yes they do." I replied with a lazy smirk, snuggling my blanket to my face, "By th' way, what're you doin' here?"

"I was delivering your lunch." Zexion said, gesturing to the tray on my bed, "But…I was distracted by an act of idiocy too blindsiding to ignore. What logic did you use that told you diving out a window on the twenty third story – after a blanket no less – was a good idea?"

"_Uhhhhh_…apple cinnamon?" I replied dazedly. Zexion and Vexen must hang out or something. They both use lots of really big words strung together that make my brain hurt.

But apparently, my answer was suitable for Zexion. Either that, or he was just bored with my presence (I'm thinking the latter of the two) as he shrugged his shoulders, turned on his heel and warped himself away.

This left me by myself again, with nothing but the lovely strains of Larxene and Yargy's argument (yup! They're still at it!) accompanied by the chorus of Larxene's thunderbolts.

"**THOSE BOOTS DON'T _MATCH_ THAT OUTFIT!**" Megan bellowed at the oh-so anorexic blonde woman below who shook with rage and stabbed an angry finger in her direction.

"**_YEAH?_ WELL YOU HAVE A FAT _ASS_ BITCH!**" Larxene countered, very red in the face. Now, had Megan been me, this would have rendered her speechless…but Yargy isn't me so you all know what's coming next.

"**YEAH? WELL I'M TAKIN' MY _FAT ASS_ INSIDE. AND WE'RE GONNA _EAT_ WHEN I _GET_ THERE! UNLIKE _YOU_, GRAPE COUNTER!**" Megan shrieked at her, making her face go white then cherry tomato red. It was a sight to see I tellsya.

"**_WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?_**" Larxene roared at her, electricity sparking violently around her hands as she glared up at Yargy.

"**YOU _HEARD_ ME WHORE! WHO TH' _FUCK_ COUNTS GRAPES?**" Megan yelled back, choosing that precise moment to dump a pitcher of water out the window and over Larxene's head, causing her to ultimately electrocute herself.

Deciding that while the sounds of Larxene's shrieks were very entertaining, I'd return to happy iPod land.

* * *

Here's another thing I'm proud of – I can sing. This is something my parents don't know about because our walls are soundproofed (I found out the hard way why..._yeeeew_) It's a good thing too. If they **_knew_** I could sing, they'd make me take voice lessons **and** get a voice coach, make me join a choir, tryout for American Idol…you get it. They would obsess and take **_all_** fun out of it. 

So, I popped the buds into my ears, scooped Aflac off my bed and declared that I was going to teach him to dance if it was the last thing I ever did. Aflac stared at me, cocked his head to the side and said '_QUACK!_'

Soon, the sounds of Ike Ike were blasting in my ears and I was singing along and dancing along to the beat as best I could. Yes, sadly, while I can sing, dancing is not mah bag baby. I only hoped that Aflac could pick up on the rhythm and do what his master could not – dance.

I was spinning and hopping to the song, knowing that I was off the beat dance wise, on it song wise, eyeing my duck all the while. He looked like he was doing something. Aflac was shuffling his webbed feet back and forth on the floor, slowly at first, but he started moving faster.

Yes…**yesss**…**_YES!_** He was **doing it!** I **_knew_** Aflac was special! He had, after all, survived Axel's special brand of affection. So this inspired me to sing louder. I threw even more effort into my dancing even though I knew this would just make my movements **that** much more spastic.

The song switched into Cascada's cover of Kids In America and I _**BELTED IT!**_ I was just so **happy!** I mean, I had done something I really hadn't expected to do! My ducky was _**dancing!**_ With oh-so much more rhythm than me! I wondered if this meant I could stop my spastasic version of dancing, or if he was only dancing because I was.

To find out, I flopped back on my bed and continued to sing very loudly. I watched Aflac out of the corner of my eye. He started slowing down more and more after I had lied down. So – he **WAS** only dancing cuz I was. That is just **_so_** **cute!**

With a grin on my lips as I continued singing, I hopped of the bed and resumed break dancing. I call it that because whenever I dance, something gets broken. And of course, without fail, I ended up ramming my elbow into the mirror and smashing it to bits.

Not that I noticed. With the buds in my ears and the volume cranked up, I wouldn't have noticed a bomb going off…until it fried my ass of course. The song switched again to Heart's Magic Man. Not the best dance song but who **_friggin'_** **cares?** My duck'll dance to it **_ANYWAY!_**

"**HE'S A MAGIC _MAAA_-_AAAAN_ – YEAAAAAAH! _WHOOO-OOOA!_**" I sang, spinning in a circle until someone grabbed my shoulders and whipped me around, "Oh, hiya Bigra-Xigar. What can I do ya for?"

"Can you keep it down?" He asked, looking a might annoyed, "No one in the castle can get anything done! You're too** loud!** …what we're ya **_doin'_** anyway?"

"I'll **show** you!" I grinned, shuffling through my songs until I reached How Do You Do? by Cascada, "**_Aflac!_** Your **public** **_awaits!_**"

I belted out the tune, which is **very** catchy and fun to dance to whether you can or not, while Aflac picked up on the beat and started shuffling his webbed feet in time, making Xigbar's eyes widen in disbelief…then caused him to shake his head.

"Unbelievable…all **_that_** for…how stupid." He mumbled, face slightly pink. **HA!** He can deny it all he **_wants_**, but he **KNOWS** my dancing duck is _**B.A.M.F.!**_

* * *

"You're **dead** _**brat!**_" Larxene snarled, still smoking slightly as she warped into Megan's room cracking her knuckles. 

"You couldn't hurt me if you **wanted** to you anorexic **_bitch_**." Megan taunted, folding her arms over her chest, "Even if you **wanted** to, you'd probably break your hand when ya punched me."

"**_I DON'T WANNA _HEAR_ IT!_**" Larxene shrieked, stamping her foot, "**And where do _you_ get off calling me _anorexic_? I'm not-!**"

"Yes. You are. No sane person counts **_grapes_** you obsessive compulsive **dorkmore**." Megan snorted, crossing her legs and looking very smug.

"**I WAS _NOT_-WHEN DID _YOU_-JUST SHUT _UP!_**" Larxene cried shrilly, face very pink and ash covered hands shaking with rage.

"Hey, **_I_** don't have a **problem** with my weight.**_ I_** like myself just **fine**." Megan shrugged, a smirk on her lips, "Unlike a **_certain_** somebody…cockroach queen."

"Wh-what th' **HELL?**" Larxene shrieked, "_**First**_ you call me **anorexic** and **_now_** your calling me an **insect?** _**Where do you get off-!**_"

Megan reached up and tugged on one of Larxene's antennae. Then she pulled George out of her front pocket and held him up to it, apparently to allow him to inspect it.

"What's that? …**See?** Even George thinks you're a roa-!" Megan was cut off by a shriek and Larxene launching herself at her.

Larxene was only millimeters away from Megan's throat. The only thing that had stopped her from reaching her goal was Vexen's grip on her collar.

"What are you doing?" he asked coolly, holding her aloft as she thrashed violently in her attempt to reach Megan, who had by this time, calmly rolled backwards off the bed…and into an ungainly heap on the floor.

"**VEXEN YOU _BASTARD_ LET ME _KILL_ _HER!_**" Larxene screeched as the Chilly Academic dragged her towards his portal.

"We need her alive." Vexen said evenly, pulling her closer and closer towards the vortex with degree of difficulty as the Savage Nymph was still trying to get back across the room and at Megan who had now pulled herself off the floor and was situated in front her laptop, waving with a devil-may-care grin on her face.

"**I DON'T _CARE_! JUST LET ME ROUGH HER _UP!_ JUST A _LITTLE_ _BIT!_**" Larxene howled as she was forced through the portal.

"…maybe later." Vexen said absently, following after her and shutting the portal leaving only a few stray wisps behind. One floated by Megan's head and she poked it, making it disappear.

"Awww…bye bye lil wispy…I miss'em when they're gone." She mumbled focusing back on her laptop.

* * *

(A/N: The Princesses of Twilight are forced to awaken...and aren't very happy about it all. R&R!) 


	8. YOU BASTARD!

(A/N: Hey all! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile! Working again and all has effected my schedule slightly, but I promise to keep updating as much as I can! So without further adieu, READ ON!)

* * *

I had managed to jimmy the lock on my door some time ago (who knew all it took was a little bit of jiggling? Not me apparently) and was wandering through the halls of the castle, once again, in search of Aflac (the damn bird flew out the window)

I was starting to get a bit worried - I had seen hide nor feather of Aflac on over an hour now, so of course I was getting a bit antsy. I had asked everyone I had come across – Marluxia, Demyx, Zexion, Vexen, Luxord, Xaldin…I **_even_** asked that Eebil Blonde Beetle **Larxene**, but **_no one_** had seen him.

The only one left to ask was Axel and I finally tracked him down in the kitchen, seated at the table, chakram placed carelessly beside him as he ate a sammich with the most satisfied smile I'd ever seen.

The expression on his face was enough to arouse my curiosity…causing me to momentarily forget my Quest For The Lost Duck. But you **really** had to have been there to fully appreciate this look. It was just so…so…_**gleeful**_. Axel looked as though **nothing** could have made him happier at that moment than eating that sammich. But of course…I had to go and ask the stupid question –

"Whatcha eatin'?" I inquired, mentally slapping myself about the head even as the words left my lips.

"A sandwich…but then I thought **_THAT_** would've been obvious." Axel snorted, rolling his eyes, "Apparently **I** was mistaken."

"I know _**that**_ – I **meant** what **_kind?_**" I retorted hotly – Vishnu **help** me, he could be such an **_ASS!_**

My question only made his pleased grin stretch, if at all humanly possible, even bigger. Why did I suddenly feel so anxious?

"Roast Duck – wanna bite?" Axel asked gleefully, shoving the half eaten sammich under my nose.

It took a moment or three for the words to register in my mind's database, compile and be recorded. Duck…duck…did he just say…but there's only in the castle…and that means…

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAF_FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!_**" I screamed, switching up the chakram that poor, foolish Axel had **stupidly** left beside him for vengeance driven, two-to-three-days-away-from-her-period, psychotic me to bash him over the head with (but god_**DAMN**_ were those bitches heavy!)

"**SPIT'IM _OUT!_ SPIT'IM _OUT!_ SPIT'IM _OUT!_**" I shrieked as I chased Axel out of the kitchen and down the hall.

"Whaddya want **me** t' **_do?_** Throw **up?**" he cried, barely putting any effort into his escape (and why would he? He can warp away at anytime!)

"**_YES!_ PUKE'IM _UP_ SO _I_ CAN GIVE'IM A PROPER _BURIAL!_**" I screeched as Axel formed a vortex and poofed himself away and zapped the chakram out of my hands.

* * *

This left me to wander aimlessly through the halls, bawling for the loss of my beloved pet...and secondarily because I had no earthly idea where my room was and was so helplessly lost I might as well just sit down and wait for someone to find me. 

And I was gonna…but I ran into something (I'm having a bad day - can you tell?)…something short and squishy…something short and squish that made a '_phruuuuriiiii!_' sound.

I looked blearily at whatever it was…and fell instantaneously in LUV. Yes I know that's not how you spell love. I also know that sandwich isn't spelled 'sammich'. But I don't **care** so _**screw you**_, ya **nit-pickers!**

It was a Shadow Heartless - a really small, black and pudgy Shadow Heartless with _**biiiiiiiiig**_ glowing yellow eyes. I know what you're all thinking – _"HEARTLESS! RUN BITCH! RUNNNNNNNN!"_…but this lil' guy was just too cute to be allowed!

"Hey…you wanna come with me?" I asked, squatting down so I was on it's level. It cocked it's head to one side like a puppy (ohmy**lord**itwas_**so**_freakingcute!) and nodded, making my inner fangirl do a power dance.

"**Coolly!**" I grinned, trying to ignore how much my face hurt (just gonna put this out there -crying sucks and there's no pretty way to do it), "But what am I gonna _**call**_ you?"

The Shadow Heartless made it's unique '_phruuuuriiiiii!_' sound again and I stroked the top of it's head (why it wasn't sucking my heart out, I've no idea, so don't ask me) It reminded me of somebody…but who…and in what capacity? **Now I remember!** It reminded me of **_Gir_** because how big his eyes were in comparison with his head.

"Gir?" I asked it. When I got no response, I moved onto the next name that popped into my brain, "Zim?" still nothing. "…Calyx?" it let loose a happy trill at that one which made me smile (so I'm naming it after a flower part – whoopdie-doo)

"Well then…we're gonna have to make a certain someone **suffer** for offing your predecessor **_aren't we_**, Calyx?" I smirked, drawing another '_phruuuuriiiiii!_' from the little guy as I scooped him up, "Now…where **is** his room?"

* * *

"**_That's_ AWFUL!**" Megan cried, patting me on the head after I snuck into her room awhile later (I introduced her to Calyx; she wubs him too), "Doncha think that's just **_horrible_** George? Axel deep fried **Aflac!**" 

"Mm-hm…but I'm healing the wound with Calyx, so it's **_alllll_** good." I replied, giving the Shadow Heartless on my lap a squeeze, making it trill happily.

"By the way, I just **love** the Organization outfit you made for him. Where'd you get the fabric?" Megan asked, fingering the hem of the mini-Organization XIII robe I'd made for him.

I smirked broadly, "Welll…" I'd barely gotten the word out of my mouth when Axel burst into the room.

"There you are! Have you seem my…" His jaw dropping at the sight of the Heartless on my lap…and what it was wearing, "…is **_that_** my best robe?"

"Correction. It **was** your best robe. Now it's **_Calyx's_** best robe." Megan grinned, taking great delight as Axel began to quake with fury.

"**WHY WOULD YOU DO _THAT?_**" he roared, shooting flames out so far in every direction that they licked the walls.

"**BECAUSE YOU KILLED _AFLAC_, THAT'S WHY!**" I shrieked, getting all up in his face and jabbing my finager towards his nose, "Know this – you **_murdered_** my pet. From now on, I'm gonna make it my sole mission in life to make your non-existence a living **HELL!**"

"Can I help?" Megan asked, waving her hand frantically in the air like we we're still in elementary school, "I have a whole host of evil pranks, tricks, practical jokes that I've yet to use on any of the preps at school!"

"**_Yes! You're in!_**" I said, causing a huge wicked grin to spread over her face and into her eyes and made Axel's jaw drop.

"No fair double teaming!" he cried.

"**SHUT UP, PET KILLER!**" Megan bellowed, jabbing her finger at Axel, just as Demyx stepped into the room with Zexion, of all people, on his heels.

* * *

"Um…what's going on?" Demyx asked tentatively, eyes darting from Calyx, to Me to Megan, to Axel, to Calyx again and then back to Axel. 

"**_HE _ATE_ AFLAC!_**" I shrieked, burying my face in the top of Calyx's squishy head.

"**_HE'S A_ MURDERER!**" Megan bellowed, hand flying protectively to the pocket George was housed in.

"…okaaaaay." Demyx said slowly, as Axel took this opportunity to slink out of the room.

"Xemnas has requested the presence of the Princesses of Twilight." Zexion said evenly, completely undeterred from his mission objective (…he's no fun at all)

"We don't wanna." Megan mumbled grumpily, puffing up her cheeks and pouting.

"It isn't an option. Your presence is mandatory." Zexion said coolly, forming a huge reality bending vortex around all of us.

"**_Whuh-Whoa!_**" I yelped, squeezing Calyx tightly so I wouldn't drop him.

"Damn." Megan muttered with an irritated snort, "You **know** whatever Mansex wants can't be good."

"Why do keep calling him that?" Demyx asked curiously, making a smile drift across my face.

"Tell ya later…of there **_is_** a later." I said lazily. I really hoped I lived long enough to tell Demy-kun about the infamous anagram. It was lame, I know, but it still made me laugh!

Without so much as a "Here we are!" or "Everybody off!" Megan and I landed on our asses with an unceremonious thump and some very colorful expletives that made Xaldin blush and Marluxia sigh exasperatedly.

* * *

"So you've finally decided to grace us with your presence." Xemnas said tetchily, making a girl to his left, who looked very familiar, giggle into her hand to muffle the sound. 

"Hey…either that's Naminé or it's the most amazing doppelganger I've ever seen." Megan said, drawing a smile from the artistic Nobody.

"I do declare, I believe you're right, Munitia!" I said in my best Arliss Loveless drawl (not too shabby; but I hadn't watched Wild Wild West in a while so…)

"**Enough** geriatrics." Xemnas spat venomously, apparently he wasn't in the mood for our brand of insanity, "Naminé, **_do_** get on with it!"

At those words, Naminé's happy expression instantly fell and was replaced by one that was nothing short of guilty.

"I…I really am sorry about this." She mumbled under her breath, flipping open her sketch pad and beginning to scribble something out, "I wish I had had more time."

With out any sort of warning, some kind of transparent chrysalis bloomed around Megan and me (Calyx was hurled across the room; poor little fella!), levitating us of the floor and whipping us quickly around so we were on our backs and staring up at the ceiling…or where the ceiling should be (I mean seriously – those walls go on for-evah!)

Then the weird warpy energy started churning through the weird pupa thing. And lord…my cast iron stomach was soon downgraded to tin – seriously, I would have puked right then and there if I wasn't so sure I would've ended up swimming in the crap. But I knew I couldn't hold out very long.

"Ulgh…'m gonna be sick…'m gonna throw up." I groaned, feeling as though my stomach was trying to turn itself inside out.

"Naminé, are you **any** closer to the names?" Xemnas asked snappishly, tapping his foot impatiently.

"…almost. Give me a moment." She replied absently, allowing her hand to be drawn across the page.

"Names? What are you – **ulgmph**!" Megan choked, hands shooting as fast as possible to her mouth as her face turned a fascinating shade of green, "Ohmigod…Jane, lemme off this crazy thing!"

"…_**alllllmooosssst**_ – there. Alright. I have them." Naminé said with a sigh, tearing off a sheet of paper and handing it to Xemnas, who ripped it from her hands so fast it was a wonder the poor girl didn't get a paper cut, "The names of the previous Princesses of Twilight, the spirits of fire and water."

* * *

"_Don't…don't call my name…please don't."_ a voice unexpectedly pleaded inside my mind. Normally I would've ignored it, but it wasn't one of the voices I usually hear…so I decided I'd pay attention. Besides…this one sounded…upset – almost scared. 

"What…what is this?" I mumbled nervously, trying to twist around enough so I could see Megan. When I managed, our eyes locked.

"Did you just hear a foreign voice inside your head?" she asked, her voice muffled be cause of Naminé's weird ass cocoon.

Just as I opened my mouth to reply, the new voice in my head cried out again, _"Don't call my name…please!" _

"That would be a yes." I replied sheepishly. Were I currently capable of moving, I would have comically scratched the back of my head right then.

But I didn't have time to bask in the glowing moment of comedic history that could have been. Mansex had other ideas.

"**Princesses of Twilight, Spirits of Water and Fire, I command you!**" Xemnas bellowed (eeeew! It's called toothpaste ever heard of it?), throwing clenched fists into the air, "**Come forth - _REKKA!_**(1) **_UZUMAKI!_**(2)"

What came next was a painful ripping…and an unbelievable surge of cold…as though ice was shooting through my veins…followed by upsurge after upsurge of rage.

* * *

"**Yes**…**YES!**" Xemnas bellowed in triumph as the cocoons shattered a hurricane of flames and a deluge of water. 

A pair of smoldering wings erupting from blazing shoulders; burning eyes set in a glowing face surrounded by a fiery shock of flaming hair flickering in the faint breeze filling the room.

A pair of huge, translucent, almost wing-like fins erupting from a blue back; frigid eyes situated in a glowing blue face encircled by a mane of watery hair.

One on a pillar of flames, the other on a pillar of water; one with legs, one with a tail…the Spirit of Fire, Rekka…and the Spirit of Water, Uzumaki.

"I have waited for your coming." Xemnas said, eyes glittering as he licked his lips, staring intently at the Princesses before him, "For so long…will you join me in my quest for-!"

"How…**_DARE_** **you**…how **DARE** you rouse me from a slumber I had **_no_** desire to **ever** leave?" the Uzumaki thundered, eyes flashing dangerously.

"You **_dare_** to have the **audacity** to awaken _**us?**_ To think you can bend **us** to _**your**_ pathetic **will?**" Rekka hissed, narrowing her eyes in contempt.

"But-!" Xemnas sputtered, hoping for a bit more compliance out of the Elementals.

"_**SILENCE!**_" they bellowed, "You over estimate yourself, **mortal!** We shall sleep once more. Don't **_ever_** think of trying to raise us again! If you wish to employ the powers of _**anyone**_, inconvenience our **successors!**"

Both princesses began to twist themselves violently, bringing themselves closer and closer to the floor, half the room blisteringly hot, the other positively arctic. When this chaos ended, and all present dared to open their eyes again, they saw, much to their shock, Anchal - frozen in a sphere of ice and Megan - petrified in volcanic crystal.

"Well…now what?" Xigbar asked brightly, scratching the back of his head.

* * *

(1) Rekka – raging fire 

(2) Uzumaki - maelstrom

* * *

(A/N: Anchal and Megan begin their training...under Axel and Demyx (...joy) with Calyx in tow and more! R&R!) 


	9. SOD : Sleep Or Die

(A/N: Hey all! Sorry this took so long, but I've been packing in some quality time with some buds-o-mone that I rarely get to see anymore. We hit the mall, hit on a hot store clerk aand eek-ed out another store clerk! Ahhhh, whadda fun weekend! And now, without further adieu, READ ON!)

* * *

"What on **_earth_** is **taking** you so long? Get them **_out_** of there." Xemnas snapped, in a truly foul mood after being shot down by both of the former Princesses of Twilight.

"Well _excuse_ us, Superior. I don't exactly seeing _you_ getting off your duff to help." Axel muttered under his breath as he continued to direct his flames at the crystal Megan was encased in, becoming more and more irritated when the heat of his fire wasn't making so much as a dent in the rock.

"It's not our fault this crap is rejecting our influence." Demyx mumbled, pouting a bit as he persisted in trying to sway the ice into melting to water with the help of Vexen…but the ice, it seemed, liked remaining solid so Anchal remained exactly where she was, suspended in the center of the frozen sphere.

"Well you're going to keep at until they are freed." Xemnas said tetchily, "And once they're capable of walking on their own, you're to begin their training in their elements immediately. I will have their help – willing, or otherwise!"

"**_What?_**" Axel yelped as Vexen turned on his heel to leave at the silent okay Superior gave him, "**Free** them _**and**_ train them with **no** **breaks** in between? Are you **_serious?_**"

"Completely." Xemnas murmured dangerously, scowling over his shoulder at the two as Naminé skirted across the room to his side, "If there are any objections, address them to that wall. I have other matters to attend to."

Marluxia shot the two an almost sympathetic look as he exited the room and went to go tend to his plants.

Xigbar chuckled to himself, muttering something that sounded distinctly like, "_Have fun, boys._" under his breath.

Luxord simply asked Zexion his he was still up for tonight's poker game and Zexion hurled the gambling addict a look that clearly said he'd never been "on for it" in the first place.

Xaldin appeared as though he was looking for something, didn't see it, so went to go search elsewhere (he doesn't know about Aflac yet)

Larxene looked so smug she didn't know what to do with her self and exited the room humming to herself and switching her hips (oooo…I'm gonna **get** you one of these days.)

And as Vexen and Naminé had left with Xemnas, this left Demyx and Axel all by their lonesome (**_HEY!_** …Calyx is still there!) in the cavernous room with nothing to do by try and melt down the seemingly un-meltable crystal formation and ice ball.

"**DAMMIT!**" Axel and Demyx bellowed in frustration, giving both formations sharp kicks with the toes of their boots. They glared at them…and then noticed something unusual occurring. Large fissures that leaked water formed in the sphere of ice and huge fractures appeared from seemingly nowhere on the crystal.

The crystal shattered first and Megan slid down a particularly big shard of the translucent rock, flopping on the floor limply near Superior's chair.

The ice globe went next splintering open and Anchal slid out like a yolk out of an egg and skidding to a stop in a puddle near the Heartless she called a pet.

"…why didn't we try that earlier?" Demyx asked, hefting the unconscious Hindu over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes while the Heartless jumped up and latched on to her arm (awww – see? Calyx is loyal!)

"I have no idea, man." Axel mumbled, shaking his head and hefting Megan over his shoulder and holding her by listlessly by one foot (HEY! You better not drop her dude!) "But who **_cares?_** Let's just get'em back, dude."

* * *

"_Mnn_…_ulgh_…_why's it feel like my heads been caught in a vice?_" I thought, my head throbbing dully. A happy '_phruuuuriiiiii!_' interrupted my internal dialogue as Calyx glommed my face. 

"Good to see you too." I mumbled with a tired smiled…speaking of which, why **_WAS_** I so gosh durned exhausted? 'twasn't right! I couldn't recall **any** physical activity that could possibly leave me feeling like such a sleepy puddle of goo (aside from chasing Axel down the hall)

"Hey…you awake over there?" Megan burbled groggily from my left, "I've been talking to ya for awhile now…but I knew ya were asleep cuz you kept talking rationally."

"_Ahhh_…always a good indicator, eh?" I said drowsily, wanting to go right back to sleep even as the words passed my lips. I mean, I wanted to talk to Yargy an all, but…between my bestest buddy and sleepy-bye-nappy-time right now? Naptime won hands down.

I began doing math problems in my head. I hated math. It was boring and mind numbing…but one thing it was great for was putting me to sleep really, really fast. I decided to go with Algebra. **Yes** I said **_Algebra_**. **What**, you think I'm not **_smart_** enough to **pass** it or something? Cuz I **_did_**…even if it **was** by the skin of my teeth.

But any ways, I began with a couple from the last test I took. XY equals BDQ squared to the…**annnnnnd** I was gone. Swept off to a happy place where the ground was actually comprised of superballs and trampolines, the skies were Airheads and cotton-candy, the water was Ramuné, the trees grew pocky and the bishies grazed in the Mickey Dee meadows!

I know, my dream world kicks **_ASS!_** The only thing that ruined my happy dream montage was the fact that it was suddenly invaded by a tidal wave that swept me out of sleepyland in back into wide awakeness.

* * *

Now…I didn't know how much sleep I'd gotten, but I was willing to bet my manga collection it had only been about an hour or so, so you can imagine that I was in a less than cheerful mood when I woke up soaking wet with Demyx smirking down at me. 

I know that punching him wasn't nice, but **GOD_DAMNIT_ I WAS _TIRED!_** And **heeeeeeeeeeeeeee** woke me **_up!_** And he had **no right** to look that wide awake when I was **_this_ freakin' exhausted!_ It wasn't right!_**

And from the yelp across the room, followed by shouted expletives, I hazarded a guess that Axel was here and had set Megan's butt on fire and she had countered by pulling a good sized chunk of those red spiky things he calls hair.

The two of us weren't being nice, I know, but nice stops at midnight. We were being deprived of sleep, were completely drained both psychologically and physically for no apparent reason and…well, we just were in any mood to be pleasant to the Nobodies who served as our wardens.

"**Ow! _Geez!_ **Well, at least you're lookin' a bit more lively." Demyx said, massaging his nose and working his face around into some rather interesting expressions as he worked to make the pain in his face dissipate.

"Rrrgh, if Superior wouldn't rip me a new one, I'd kick your ass." Axel growled, rubbing the sore section of his scalp connected to the handful of hair Megan had repeatedly yanked, "Got it memorized?"

"**Whaddya _want?_**" Yargy growled (yeah, she isn't a morning person either) "This had **better** be good, or you're gonna be **_bald_** by th' time I'm done with you!"

Calyx trilled in agreement (who knew Heartless needed beauty rest?) and glowered irritably at the Nobodies (ohmy**lord!** _**KAWAII OVERDOSE!**_)

"Training." Demyx shrugged, plopping down on the edge of the bed and making me lurch at the sudden movement, "Superior wants us to start your regime as soon as possible."

"…yeah, well, good luck with that." I grumbled, turning over so my back was to him, "I'm going back to sleep now."

"Oh no your not." Axel said in an overly cheerful voice, "Your training starts now. No ifs, ands or buts."

Both of us glowered at them.

"Or, how about this? You leave this room with your manhood still attached, let us get some rest and come back in the morning?" Megan asked in a voice that was far too syrupy for the threats she was spouting.

"Or there's always option B – you stay, we rip your only excuses for calling yourselves men off and shove them down your throats." I chimed in an equally sugary voice that was sweet enough to give cavities.

Axel and Demyx looked at us as though to check and see if we were joking. I could see from where I was sitting that Megan had deep, black circles under her eyes, so I'm pretty sure I had a pretty decent set myself…not to mention my skin starts doing this creepy biz where it starts getting these gross yellowish splotches when I don't sleep enough…yeah, I'm almost positive we looked a fright.

And so, on the note that we weren't fucking around, the two rose from their seats and quickly left the room. As soon as we we're by ourselves, Megan and I looked at each other and grinned smugly…before promptly falling flat on our backs and going right back to sleep.

* * *

"Xaldin? What are you doing in here? Not to sound harsh, but you never struck me as one who would be interested in floriculture." Marluxia said mildly, blinking at the Whirlwind Lancer as he stepped carefully around several man-eating plants. 

"Oh, I'm not its just that I'm…looking for something." Xaldin said absently lifting up a very broad, leathery leaf and looking underneath it.

"Really? Can I help?" Marluxia offered, setting down his trowel and dusting some dirt off the front of his robe.

"No…no. That's alright." Xaldin said carefully, inspecting the base of a tall bulbous flower, "I'll leave in just a moment."

"…might inquire what is that you're searching for?" Marluxia asked, his question making Xaldin's entire body spasm and turn jerkily to look at him.

"Uh…th-that is…um…err…**_heep_**." Xaldin squeaked, going very red in the face as he formed a reality warping vortex of warpiness and dove inside it.

Marluxia stared at the little black wisps floating in the area where Xaldin used to be…feeling very, very confused as resumed tending his deadly garden.

"Well **that** was certainly…for lack of a better word, **_weird_**." He murmured.

"**Xaldin!** What's up m'man!" Xigbar grinned, clapping a hand around the lance wielder's shoulder, "_**Just**_ th' guy I was lookin' for actually!"

"Really? And why's that?" Xaldin asked, slipping back into his _'I'm too cool for you, don't even bother'_ suit.

"Luxord's tri-weekly **poker** **game** dude!" Xigbar said, nudging Xaldin in the ribs, "We need more **_players_** man! Are ya **in** or are ya **_in_**?"

"Do I have a choice?" Xaldin said blandly as Xigbar practically dragged him down the hall, "Who else is playing?"

"Larxene cause Luxord made a remark about women being cowards and poker being a man's game." Xigbar, ticked off, "Vexen because, and I'm quotin' him on this one, '_I'll burn out my eyes if I research anymore tonight'_ end quote. And Axel and Demyx if we can track'em down."

"They're supposed to be with the Mad Princesses." Xaldin said vaguely, realizing if they tracked down Axel and Demyx, they would probably find that cute little duck again, "We should go get them. Why should I be the only one to suffer through this?" (oh, good cover)

"True…especially since tonight's stakes are especially high." Xigbar nodded, making the taller man look at him curiously.

"Really now? And what are the stakes tonight?" Xaldin asked, making the piratey Nobody snicker.

"Clothing. It's strip poker tonight." Xigbar laughed, making Xaldin pale slightly as they rounded a corner and crashed straight into Demyx and Axel, sending all four crashing to the floor in a tangled heap.

* * *

"_OWSHIT!_" Axel hissed eyes tearing up as he cradled his bloodied elbow (not that you could tell through his robe, obviously), "That **really** hurt!" 

"Sorry, didn't see you there." Xigbar said with a shrug, clamoring to his feet, "But, I'm glad we ran into you – no pun intended."

"Oh, and why's that?" Demyx asked, pushing himself off the floor with a grunt and dusting himself off.

"Luxord's poker game. More player's are necessary." Xaldin shrugged, eyeing the Nobodies assigned to be the trainers of the Twilight Princesses.

"Huh…is this one of those we have no choice since everyone else has either vied out or gone and gotten themselves killed?" Axel asked dully, pausing rubbing his sore appendage to stare at Xigbar.

"Basically." He smirked, reaching down and hefting the red head to his feet, "That's about the size of it."

"It's strip poker isn't it?" Demyx groaned, causing Xigbar to laugh out loud.

"Ah, don't be sucha **_pansy!_**" he snickered, patting the Melodious Nocturne on the back.

"Say, Axel…I've noticed that as of late, the duck that trails after Princess Anchal has vanished." Xaldin ventured, going completely off topic to satisfy his own curiosity, "Any ideas as to where it could have gone?"

"**He_he_he_he_he**…you _**could**_ say that." Axel grinned, looking very full of himself.

"Yeah, I was wonderin' where th' lil' guy'd gone myself." Demyx said thoughtfully, "So, what's the deal?"

"Well, let's just say Aflac makes one **_meeeeeeeeeeean_** sandwich." Axel smirked, oblivious to Xaldin's jaw dropping to his knees.

"You **ate** someone's **pet?**…**_oooooooh_**, so **that's** what they were freaking out about before." Demyx recalled, palming his fist.

There was a loud cracking sound that caused Xigbar, Demyx and Axel to turn around, Xaldin's knuckles were going off like gunshots around the hilt of his favorite lance and his eyes were glittering dangerously.

"I'll kill you." Xaldin said with a grin, swinging the weapon over his head, "You'll **_DIE_** now!"

"**YEOW!**" Axel yelped, dodging aside in the knick of time and dashing down the hall, "**_GEEZ!_** What's your **PROBLEM?**"

* * *

(A/N: Rested and raring to go, training finally starts! Megan has a dangerous run in and much, much more! R&R!) 


	10. Training Day

(A/N: Hey all! Sorry this took so long! I've been sick. Any way, heres the next chapter! ENJOY!)

* * *

"**_Annnnnnnnchallllll!_** Where'd you **get** to girl?" Demyx called as he strolled along the ground, pausing only to scratch the back of his head, "…**_Fluke?_** **C'monnnnnnnnn!** This isn't _**funny!**_ I could get into big **trouble** if I don't get this **_over_** with!"

I stared down at the top of Demyx's head tetchily, Calyx pulling a Pikachu and glomming on to the top of my skull. Like **_hell_** I was getting down from this tree just so he could pummel me with water balls again and call it training.

He was probably just warming himself up before sic-ing his water clones on me, so I think me and Calyx'll stay **exactly** where we are thank you very much.

In case any one out there is slow like me, let me give you the DL on what's going down.

Obviously I'm well rested or I wouldn't be climbing trees, but moving on. Megan and I had been separated - **_again_** - to start our individual training.

Now I don't know how **you** define the word '_training_', but **my** definition involves another party trying to help you increase your stamina and over all physical abilities. Hurling gyrating balls of watery **_doom_** at a person in some psychotic, caffeine-driven gym teacher's version of **dodgeball** doesn't even **_begin_** to fall under that definition.

But anyway, we had been woken up (me nearly drowned and Megan nearly burned alive) and dragged to opposite sides of the castle grounds to get started.

Things had begun like what you'd expect of a training session – stretching, some deep breathing exercises, a bit more stretching while I ogled Demyx's ass (**whaaaaat?** I _**am**_ a healthy 18 yr. old ya know!) and weight training…wellll, for **him** it was weight training, for **_me_** I was nothing short of sprinting straight into the bowels of hell.

No lie, Demyx tethered me to this humungoid metal discus thing, that was roughly about the size of a satellite dish, plopped down on top of it and ordered me to get a move on.

When I asked him if he was joking, he sprayed my head down with water until I almost **suffocated!** So of course I started moving…or trying to anyway. I barely made it five steps under the immense weight of the huge disc and was only untied when I fell to the ground gasping for air.

When I was capable of breathing without wanting to throw up, Demyx announced that he was going to start things off easy. I don't know **_why_** the hell I believed him. It was the cuteness factor - it blinded me to the truth and made me forget about that freaking weight training death march.

And at first it had been pretty simple, just meditation. I already knew all about meditation. I'm not good at it as I lack the focus necessary, but I still know all about what its supposed to do – bringing the body, mind, spirit and ki into sync.

By while outwardly I may have appeared to be doing everything right, my mind was buzz-buzx-buzzing away.

_"I wonder if I can get internet reception here?…that'd be awesome cuz my INBOX must be over flowing by now."_ I mused, feeling Calyx crawl into my lap, curl into a ball and settle down for a nap, _"…I wonder if Calyx is house broken? …he must be cuz I haven't had to clean up after him yet."_

I had just started puzzling over why Marluxia's scythe was pink when the first impact came, sending me flying backwards and Calyx flipping through the air like Eddie Gordo from TEKKEN when somebody doesn't know how to do combos and are resorting to button mashing.

"C'mon Anchal! If you were focused, you could've blocked that with your **eyes** closed!" Demyx said, lobbing two more of the spinning balls of watery death at me.

Then he started pelting them at me so fast it was like trying to dodge gunfire on a battlefield. The only reason I didn't land in the head trauma ward was because Calyx dragged me out of the way (who knew the little guy was so ripped?)

"Thanks lil' dude!" I cheered, scooping him up and dashing away from Demyx, who was so wrapped up in form and chucking the globes at the airspace I used to occupy to notice I'd escaped.

But all good things must come to an end…but by the time it did, I was up in the tree, Calyx on my head and well out of Demyx's reach.

_"Wonder how Yargy's doing?"_ I wondered, relaxing as soon as Demyx was gone.

* * *

"**Where _are_ ya, ya _brat?_**" Axel yelled, burning down a small tree and stomping down on the charred remains, "We've got **training** t' get to! Get your ass _**out here!**_" 

_"Chahhh…y'know what? How bout no?"_ Megan thought to herself, leaning back against the giant marble index finger of the enormous stone hand she hid in.

Her training program had been a bit different than Demyx's. It started out with Axel tying his chakram to Yargy's ankles and ordering her to run twenty laps around the castle. When she asked him if he was high, his only response was to grin and scorch her butt until she started running.

Megan being Megan, kept tripping over non-existent rocks and eventually collapsed in a wheezing heap in the middle of the fourth lap.

And after she was finished being a gasping puddle of goo had come the portion of the program where Axel had busted his chakram back out and insisted that Yargy dodge fireballs he started hurling at her without any warning whatsoever.

This of course was when Megan had taken off and found the colossal statue of a soldier she was currently concealing herself in.

Now Yargy peered at Axel's retreating form over a massive marble fingernail, before sliding back into the palm.

_"Man…where does he get off trying to make me walk over hot coals?" _Megan thought, crossing her legs and wishing she had brought George with her instead of leaving him in the room, _"He should at least wait until I build up tolerance to…ooo, a puddle!"_

Yargy couldn't no more resist a good puddle than a dog could resist a rancid garbage can, and so, she was out of that hand and dashing across the courtyard faster than you could say Bob's your uncle.

"**Wee _heeeeeee!_**" she squealed sprinting towards it, not seeing the rock in her path and somehow managing to miraculously avoid it leapt into the air and splashed about the muddy water.

"**Ah!** **_Megan!_** Glad I caught you!" Demyx said running up alongside the puddle, and staring at her a moment before shaking his head, "Listen, have you seen Anchal? I lost track of her a while back."

"**Nuuuuuuuuuuuupe!**" Megan replied cheerfully, kicking dirty water this way and that, "Sorry dude, but you're **_S.O._L**. my sitar playing, water controlling friend!"

"Okay, just thought I'd check." Demyx shrugged, jogging off and leaving Yargy to her fun.

After he had gone, Megan hopped out of the puddle and skipped over to a nice section of shade under the branches of a good-sized tree. She flopped onto her back and loosed a loud, contented sigh.

But her moment of bliss was short lived as something wrapped around her waist and hefted her skyward. Megan didn't even have a chance to let loose a '_meep!_' as whatever it was yo-yoed her through the air.

"**_Wha-_a_-a-_a_-a-_a_-a-_a_-at's _go_-o-_o-_o-_o_-o-_o_-o-_oing_ on-_n_-n-_n_-n-_n_-n-_n?**" she squealed as she whirled violently around by the waist. Megan managed to get an eyeful of what was playing with her like a toy when she came to a stop topside – it was the tree!

_"It has to be one of Marluxia's! No doubt!"_ she thought with a groan as she was sent spiraling towards the ground again, _"Only he would think up something THIS stupid that's plant related!"_

Thinking quickly, Megan started shuffling through her vest pockets, giving a yelp of distress as the Green Tea Pocky sleeve slipped out of her pocket and went tumbling to the ground.

The tree moved a branch forward and caught the Japanese treats.

"**_AK!_ No! _Those are_ mine!**" Megan squealed as the tree delicately slid the Green Tea coated biscuits into a large knot hole that served as a mouth…she guessed.

The eebil death tree paused, as though considering listening to her.

"_**H-hey!**_ I've got a** lot** more of that in my room! If you give me that back and lemme go, I promise I'll come back with more, just for you." Yargy bleated, willing to barter off a portion of her Pocky stash if it meant being on solid ground again.

After several moments of nothing, the tree lowered her to the ground and set her on her feet. It then lowered the branch holding the sleeve of Pocky down to her level, which she quickly snatched up.

"I'll be right back." Yargy replied, turning on her heels to leave before palming her fist, turning around and yelling, "**_OH!_ An if Axel comes lookin' for me, I _wasn't_ _here,_ _okay?_**"

* * *

I sighed. I had chanced climbing out of the tree to wander about the grounds by now as I had seen hide nor mohawk of Demyx in about an hour. 

I forgot to mention earlier that this was my first time setting foot outside the castle and lemme tell ya…there was a **lot** to take in. The grounds were _**huuuuuge!**_ And I know I couldn't even have come **close** to covering 1/32 of it.

I had just reached a pond was lying down next to it for a nap (I mean figured at this point, if Demyx found me, he'd be to wiped to be much of anything, so why not take a risk?) when a loud splash met my ears and a spray of water hit me across the face.

My eyes flew open I saw a boy about my age laughing at my new look (yeah, wait and see! Drowned Cat will be in two weeks from now!)

Smiling sweetly, I brought both arms over my head and slammed them down directly in front of him, causing a splash of epic proportions to slosh over his head (go me!) Calyx '_phruuuuriiiiii!_'-ed, cheering me on…and that's when I noticed the tail.

Yes ladies and gentlemen this guy had a tail. And when I say tail, I'm not talking a Son Goku from Dragonball tail…what I mean is that this guy, however hot, had no legs and that his lower half could be used to make fish sticks and/or sushi.

And now that I wasn't busy splashing him, I could see his skin was a pale shade of blue…and that there were scales and fins plastered on his wrists…and webbing between his fingers. Well, when my itty-bitty brain took all that in, of course I assumed the obvious.

"_**Mermaid!**_" I yelped, causing a deep scowl to form on his face.

"The **technical** term would be _**merman**_ seeing as I'm a **boy**." He grumped, "And even **_that_** isn't **completely** accurate as I'm a variety of _**water sprite**_."

"Did someone start their cycle a day early?" I smirked, making his bluish skin tinge purple as he flushed angrily.

"**N-NO!**" he said hotly, folding his arms over his chest defensively, "Besides, what's a **_human_** like you doing here anyway?"

"Meh, playing the role of kidnapee." I shrugged lazily, rolling onto my stomach, "What about you? Howdyou get here?"

"Don't exactly know." He shrugged, swimming over and propping his arms over the lip of the pond, "One day I just…**was**. It's hard to explain."

"Naw, naw. I think I getcha." I said dismissively, "So, what's your name, fish dude?"

"Ura. Howbout you, two legs?" he snorted, giving my knee a poke with his elbow.

"Anchal. But call me Fluke. All my friends do." I replied, before reaching up over my head, "And this little guy is Calyx."

"**_YEOW!_ HEARTLESS! GET _AWAY!_**" Ura yelped, splashing backwards and away from me.

"Relax. He won't chomp ya unless I tell'im to. And friends don't let friends get chomped." I said with a lazy grin, watching as Ura edged his way forward.

"So he really won't-?" Ura asked, poking Calyx warily in the head.

"**No!**" I cried laughingly, grabbing his finny, scale dotted wrist to make him pet my pet.

"**AH-_HA!_ There** you are!" Demyx cried, making me jerk away from Ura and hop to my feet.

"Well, that's my cue to skadoo!" I said brightly, plopping Calyx back on top of my head as I took off running, "I'll visit you soon, Ura!"

"**_GET BACK HERE!_**" Demyx cried.

* * *

"**Okay!** I'm _**back!**_ Just like I promised! **AND _LOOK!_ **I've got Pocky!" Megan said cheerfully, waving a box over her head. 

The tree made weird grunting sounds to voice its happiness and wrapped Yargy up in its vines.

"**Easy**, easy! It's not going anywhere!" Megan said cheerfully, tearing open the box of Giant Chocolate Pocky and ripping open the first sleeve.

The tree extracted the first stick from the box and inserted it into its…mouth…knothole…thingy.

"Ya like it?" Yargy asked, watching as the tree nodded, making its leaves rustle loudly, "**_Coolly!_** I found a new bud!"

"Yeah? Well I found a new body bag…that I'm shoving you into unless you get back to work right now." Axel said threateningly directly behind her.

"_Hehehehehe_…I'm in trouble, huh?" Megan asked cheerfully, turning to smile up at the fuming Axel.

"You could say that." Axel replied sweetly, poofing his chakram into his hands and setting them ablaze, "You now have five seconds to get your rear in gear, brat."

"Which gear? First, second or third?" Megan asked cheerfully as she clamored to her feet and dusted herself off.

"You now have three seconds." Axel said mildly, flaring up the fire around his hands.

"**Alright, _alright!_** I'm **going!** _**Yeesh!**_" Megan yelped, scowling at him as she allowed him to drag her back towards the training ground, "**God**, you're **_such_** a slave driver."

* * *

(A/N: The Keymaster enters and destroys Castle Oblivion...meaning the Nobodies are going to Anchal and Megan's houses...hooooo boy. R&R!) 


	11. Ramalama Bang Bang

(A/N: Hey all! Sorry this took so long! Interview on top of being sick is never fun. But its great for jolting your writers block! And with that, read on!)

* * *

I was **actually** able to wake up by my**_self _**this morning! I **know**, you _**should**_ be surprise…okay…Calyx may have contributed a little. 

"Well…what shall we do today?" I asked as I walked to the kitchen with Calyx in tow (yes, even with my abysmal sense of direction I'm starting to get a sense of the floor plan) "I'm sure as hell not putting myself through another torture session, by which of course I mean 'Demi-chan's Boot Camp'."

The kitchen, for once was totally empty. I pouted a little. I was hoping Yargy would be up and about so we could chat, but so goes that dream. So instead of going all emo about it, I walked over to the fridge and pulled out something that looked vaguely edible and sat down (my **kingdom** for a Poptart!)

"Hmm. I could give the guys hell for makin' nearly pull a hamstring. What do you think Calyx?" I asked as he shoveled the strange looking gloop I had identified as food (wasn't a hundred percent sure whether it was or not) into his mouth. Calyx looked up at me, cocked his head to one side, blinked and then resumed eating (…why was he eating food and not hearts?). That to me was as good as saying don't-quit-till-someone-di-**_yai_**-**yai**…_**cries!**_ I said **cries!** **_You _heard_ me!_** I made no mention of death! You can prove **nothing** in court!

"I shall conquer with you, my squat squishy minion. _Prank time! It's the time where we pull pranks on people we don't necessarily like!_" I sang now completely ignoring the plate of strange something or other in front of me (it was ground up hearts, I know it; start the day the Castle Oblivion way with Heartix)

"Alright! Planning time! Paper, paper, papyrus, papier…" I mumbled as I scanned my periph for anything a molecule in diameter and white in color. I found a single sheet near the stove, as if it were waiting to be set on fire (hey! I have my Zippo handy!) I grabbed it and a pen (one of those really floofy feather quills that no matter how cool are a bitch to write with) and returned to my seat.

Calyx rested just at the top of the page. I didn't check to see whether or not it had writing on the back or not. It probably did, but I really didn't care, I was in full pranker mode. I folded my hands together and pulled the Sasuke pose that Megan would have been proud of. I sat like that for a while (about five or ten minutes) trying to think up ideas.

"Ok. Axel, Demyx and Larxene are my primary targets. I won't do anything to Zexion cause his reaction won't be as funny as the others...and he might go super emo on me and cut his wrists and we don't want that as he's...well, he's Sexy Zexy and all and would be a crime against humanity."I said aloud to Calyx, "Xaldin's out cuz he was nice to Aflac and anyone who was nice to my deceased pet is fine with me. Xigbar's on the maybe list since he went after George that one time...but he did put that stuff in Larxene's drink that turned her tongue black…maybe Mansex cuz he monologues."

That aside, I started scribbling down various ideas (in my unreadable chicken scratch) on the paper and circled the ones that I really liked. I had decided almost instantaneously what was on the menu for Larxene. _Heheheheheh_...the look on her face would be priceless when she saw how much 'weight' she'd gained after I messed with her scales. The bad thing was that I didn't know where her or anyone else's rooms were. I needed an accomplice! A co-conspirator who knew where everything in this castle was and had some actual directional sense.

* * *

Suddenly, the doors opened and in stormed…Sora? I was expecting maybe Megan...or Ura. I had found out two days ago that he could reform his tail into legs and walk about when I ran into him in the halls on my quest for the ever elusive bathroom. I couldn't say I blamed him for leaving that pond every once and awhile – it was pretty out there…but back on topic – Sora and him barging in on my planning session! 

"Well…look what the Heartless dragged in." I said, causing Sora to give me a very weird look. I know it wasn't the brightest thing to say at the moment, but…oh just _**shut up**_. You should know by this point I'm not the brightest bulb in the bunch, especially first thing in the morning. Not too mention given the time of month, I was probably due to start any day now (and if you don't what I'm talking about, then you obviously skipped Sex Ed.)

"Where is Kairi?" he demanded to know. Lord, **why** does everybody assume I know **_everything?_** Sure I'm an **EVIL** genius, but I'm not a **_GENIUS_**-Genius. **_Lord_**, these people need to get it straight. And even if I **did** know (which I don't) _**I**_ wouldn't trust me to give directions. And I decided it would be the sportsman like thing to do to inform Sora of my directional sense or lack thereof.

"I dunno, bud. Besides, I have the tracking sense of a hammer. I'm proud that I found the kitchen, to tell you the truth." I said, looking every bit as smug as I felt. Hey, this morning it had only taken me twenty minutes to track it down! And I didn't even stop Zexion in the hall to ask if I was heading the right way or not! How **badass** am I?

"How do I know you're n-**_LOOK OUT!_**" Sora cried, finally noticing Calyx in front of me and swinging his Keyblade over his head as he charged me. Now, I may be a little dim, but I've already lost one pet to Axel (he's gonna get it good) and I'm not about to lose another, so when he swung down, I swung up…as in I swung Calyx up and over my head as the Keyblade split the table in half.

"**Hey**, what exactly gives you the right to go around offing other people's pets?" I harrumphed as Calyx let loose a terrified '_phruuuuriiiii!_', making himself two dimensional as he hid himself under my hair, "I'm mean, _**sure**_ your sharp pointy thing is **cool** and all, but I could _**seriously**_ have you **arrested** for that ya know!"

Sora looked at me as though I was high. And hey, I guess to anyone who didn't personally know Calyx would naturally assume he's a heart chomper. But really, he's just a big, squishy shapeshifting cuddle ball. Seriously, this little guy has had **_plenty_** of opportunities to chow down on my heart…but he seems prefer being toted around like Pikachu…maybe I should've named him that? …nah. The ensuing trial for copyright infringement wouldn't be worth it.

"That…is a Heartless." Sora said slowly (well, duhhhhhh) "Why are you protecting it? Are you in league with Organization Thirteen?"

"No, more like they're holding me and my bestest buddy hostage here." I said lazily, resting on my elbow, "Speaking of which, I wonder how pissed she'd be if I called and woke her up?"

With that, I pushed away from the counter and strode past a protesting Sora . I know what you're thinking but really, what could that little **runt** do to stop me? Poke at me with that giant **_key?_** (whoa, that sounded dirty) And **besides**, and this is **_no lie_**, I had a **foot **on him! Even if he _**did**_ try to go all psycho on me with that Keyblade all I had to do was palm his forehead and I was good.

* * *

Completely shutting out Sora's loud screechy objections, I walked down the hall and hit numba one on speed dial (which, for those of you who don't know, is Yargy) smiling fiendishly as my primary partner in crime answered on the second ring. This meant that I hadn't woken her up, she would be in a good mood and that much more willing to go along with what I had planned (yay!) 

"Hey Fluke, whazzup?" Megan asked in a cheerful voice upon answering, "I mean, besides the obvious answers ceiling and the sky and other things understandable."

"Oh, nothing much, just plotting something evil. You want in?" I asked casually, leaning against a wall and crossing my legs (no it wasn't Zexion this time, though he does make a great wall)

"Do you even have to ask?" Yargy grinned over the phone, "Hell yeah I'm in! Hey, hold on a sec…yeah, yeah I'll ask her. Hey, this fish dude I met wants in on what we're doing. How bout it?"

"Oh, that must be Ura!" I smirked lazily, pushing myself away from the wall, "Hang on! I'm heading out to the pond alright? It's th' only place I actually remember how to get to."

"Oh, RIGHT! I knew his name started with a 'U'! Well anyways, see you in a few." Yargy replied cheerfully, "And be quick about it! I can practically feel the eebilness seeping through the phone!"

By the time I made it outside, Megan and Ura we're deep in discussion about the magical properties of cell phones. They had just gotten to the portion of the lecture on ringtones and all of their mind bending splendor when I arrived on the scene.

"…and **that** is why Fluke's ring is _Cherry Lips_. Because it's peppy, funny and makes me smile." Yargy explained seriously to Ura, who nodded as he was giving her all the rapt attention of a ten year old whose been told that the families taking a trip a Monster Truck Show.

"Wow. Really riveting there, Yargy." I smirked languorously as I popped a squat on the edge of the pond, "Did I miss the section of the lecture on games and texting?"

"**_Nope!_** Just getting to that actually!" Megan grinned as I waved a hello to Ura, "Your timing is impeccable, as always. Although you did miss a great sermon on the value of minutes and why they are as precious as air."

"Sorry I missed it." I snorted.

"These cell phones certainly are fascinating." Ura said absentmindedly, turning Yargy's over and over again between his webbed fingers.

"At any rate, pranking the Nobodies, you guys want in?" I said, hopping back on the trolley as fast as was humanly possible.

"If you mean those **_asswipes_** who keep tossing their **trash** into **_my_** house, then count me in." Ura said returning Megan's cell and scowling deeply, "Do you **know** how many wrapper's I've pulled out of here?"

* * *

I opened my mouth to make a Snoop Dogg reference when a huge explosion rocked the ground and sent both Yargy and myself flying into the pond (the cell phone flew out of her hand and landed safely on the ground out of the splash range…how's that for lucky?) 

"Well Ura, looky here! Two more pieces of trash have **_mysteriously_** made there way into your pond." Megan said cheerfully, swiping her bangs out of her eyes.

"Yup, pretty big too. You might have to call the department of waste disposal." I said with a small smirk as I switch my long wet hair out of my face.

"Hm…I can let it slide this time." Ura shrugged, smirking a little as we clamored to our feet, "I mean, you, unlike that other garbage, are picking up after yourselves."

We busted up laughing at that. But the laughter was cut short when Manse-I mean Xemnas dashed through the line of trees like the hounds of Hades were on his heels (so many 'H's)

"Hey Xemnas, what's the rush?" Yargy asked as he created a vortex of reality warpiness and dashed through like there was no tomorrow.

Another explosion made the earth move under my feet…though the sky didn't come tumbling down, tumbling down -okay, I know, that was bad- but this time, Ura managed to grab a hold of Megan and me to make sure we stayed upright.

Xigbar, Zexion, Vexen and Larxene and Xaldin burst through the trees like a herd of gazelle, running past us like we weren't there and into the portal Xemnas had made. It was like watching a group of middle-aged women dash off in the middle of lunch after hearing a P.A. announcement that there was a fifty percent off clearance sale at SEARS.

"Huh…wonder what they're in such a hurry for?" Ura mused as yet another shockwave exploded through the ground just as Axel made and appearance, snatching up Yargy and tossing her over his shoulder as he sprinted by.

"**_Are you completely _mental?**" Axel cried not pausing even for a second as he ran at the vortex, "The castle's going down, the Keyblade Master's coming and you're just **standing here?**"

With that, he passed through the portal leaving Ura and me to try and absorb his words…and we didn't have long as Demyx broke through the tree with a loud crash, stumbling a little as he stepped on the hem of his cloak. He recovered quickly though and was up and running again.

"**_RUN! RUN AWAY!_**" Demyx yelped, grabbing me by the collar, doing a sufficient job of choking me (bastard probably did it on purpose) as he half dragged half led me towards a warpy vortex of reality warpiness.

"Well Ura, you heard the man. Get the lead out, unless the idea of being spread on bread with mayo appeals to you!" I cried as I was quickly dragged towards the portal. Ura was out of the water and in that portal with us faster than you could say JEHOSAPHAT!

* * *

"Hurry it up with those **legs** dude! Hurry _**up!**_" Megan cried making Axel snap at her for screeching in his ear, "I don't know where we'll land, but I **do** know that if they see that tail anywhere in our world you'll be spending the rest of your days in a tube of formaldehyde." 

"What happened to the sandwich?" Ura snorted as his lower half twisted and distorted as he split his tail in half and reshaped it into two perfectly functioning legs, "And here I thought I was going to end up between to halves of whole wheat."

"Hey, we can't have everything." I shrugged as we passed through the otherside of the portal. Talk about a scene change. Going from dark, dark, dark to _ZOMG THAT'S BRIGHT!_ does a real number on the retinas.

At anyrate, after my eyes had a chance to adjust, I saw where we were. I recognized it instantly as I had spent the night there so many times I'd lost count. The telltale Itachi figurine I always somehow managed to knock over, the giant hand drawn poster of the Organization she'd paid an **EXHORBINANT** amount of money for at Komori-con…it was Yargy's bedroom.

"I'm home." Megan said with a grin, pushing herself off Axel's shoulder and dashing over to her bed, launching herself on it and rubbing her face against the pillows, "Oh. My. **_Gawd_**…**myyyyyyyyyyy** bed."

I stared at the Nobodies slouched about her room, to the jumbled pile of Yargy's thing that had been carelessly transported back with us. When I didn't see any of my stuff among the pile, I assumed it made it's way back to my room…at least my stuff had **_BETTER _**have found it's way back to my room. If it hadn't, there would be hell to pay.

"Not to interrupt your moment, Megan, but we have issues. You know they can't stay here." I said lazily, switching myself on top of her dresser...and knocking over that blasted Itachi figurine as I went, "Your dad would bust out that thirty aught six from under his bed and use'em for target practice."

"Then we'll stay with y-!" Vexen was interrupted by Megan who hopped back off her bed and closed in on him with four quick steps.

"So you're saying you'd like for Fluke to consider you a candidate for marriage?" Yargy asked, looking completely serious as Vexen entire face spasmed.

"Cuz that's the only way you're staying at my house bud…or did forget that I already told you that?" I snorted, rolling my eyes. How quickly they forget.

"Th-then…where do you propose we stay then?" Xemnas demanded to know, looking at us crossly. Hey, it isn't our fault your castle's gone.

"…_**wellllllllllllllll**_…"

* * *

(A/N: The Nobodies move into their new digs and Ura ino his new lake -hooray! he gets an upgrade!- and explain away to their parents why they're home so early. R&R!) 


	12. Dear Readers

Dear Readers

I hate to do this, but I have to put this story on hiatus

I'm having a total blockage in the creativity department and I just can't seem to get past it

I hope to get past it eventually.

But until then, this story won't continue

Please don't kill me! . 

Until my brain is unclogged

Hisa-Me Kurai


	13. CreaATIVE dIffEnceS

(A/N: Hey all!!!

I'm back!!!!

Did you miss me?

I missed you!!!

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long - working full time SUCKS!!

But i managed to crank out a chapter, albeit a short one, but hopefuly it'll tide you over til next time.

And NOW!!!!!

(insert drumroll here)

THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!!)

* * *

"…you've gotta be shittin' me. No one's gonna buy that story!" Axel snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

"Oh, so quick to judge yet so slow to think up anything better." Yargy countered, patting down her shoulder as it started smoking.

"Remind me to sign him up for anger management." I thought to myself, "Got it!" Huzzah! An answer back! My voices are resurrecting! Just like Jeebus!

Whaaaaaaat? Hey this is me we're talking about. And I missed the little voices in my head! Damn Xaldin to the bowels of Rosie O'Donnell for wiping out so many of my original voices! Genocide! Genocide I say!

"If you have a better idea, lets hear it, Pet Killer." I snorted, holding back a giggle as Calyx wriggled up the back of my shirt and made his way to my neck. I'm so ticklish it's pathetic, really.

Axel opened his mouth as though to show us up…but then quickly closed it as a look appeared on his face that seemed as though he was trying to squish his brain out his ears.

"Thought so." Megan smirked as Xemnas shot an infuriated look at the floor. Hey! What did the floor ever do to you buddeh? Now it's gonna hafta go seek counseling on account of the fact your fugleh puss scarred it for life.

And anyways, our plan wasn't SO bad. And it wasn't so much a plan as it was an outright, boldface lie that no one with an ounce of common sense would possibly believe…but we were hoping they'd believe it anyway.

It went a little something like this – We signed up for what we THOUGHT was a learning abroad program, when in actuality, it was an exchange student program…hence why we were still here along with the extra bodies. Sounds plausible right? …right? Well too bad! I'm not thinking up another one!!

Naminé loosed a giggle at the look on Mansex's face, and rightly so – he looked like he was constipated or something – causing The Superior to round on her and glare in his "I'm backed up so I walk all funny" way – the man tries too hard, I swear ta Shiva.

"Knock it off, R-tard." Yargy said shrewdly, chucking a nearby Fullmetal Alchemist pillow at Xemnas as I slung an arm around the artistic Nobody's shoulders, "Don't you even try to pin this on Nami-chan. It's all your fault ya big goober."

Demyx snorted as he tried and failed to hold back a laugh, a wide grin filled my face as I caught the melodious strains of Axel, Marluxia and Xigbar snickering as Xemnas's already red face turned even redder. Even Calyx let loose a happy, "phruuuriiiiii!" from his spot on my neck.

"Pardon my ignorance…but what did you just call the Superior?" Zexion asked in a mildly curious tone. So the Cloaked Schemer DIDN'T know everything – goody!! A learning experience!!

"We called him exactly what he is – a goober." I replied with a grin, knowing from the light trembling under my arm that Naminé was laughing, "A doofus, a dweeb, a dorkus-supremeus if you prefer latin. A baka if you prefer Japanese. But all mean the same thing – he's a Barney worshiping ninny!!"

Xemnas was shaking with rage by now and I could practically taste how angry he was in the air – it was palpable!! You could make a nice soup with it and serve it with crackers or bread depending on who you are.

I was almost positive he was gonna jump me…but thankfully, Vishnu had other plans for me. The door to Megan's room flew open and in walked her dad. Her nice, but over-protective dad. Her nice, over-protective, doesn't want anything remotely male near his daughter, dad. Her nice, over-protective, doesn't want anything remotely male near his daughter, 6' 8" dad…who happens to be a poh-leese man and therefore incredibly strong and accurate with a gun.

* * *

Everyone froze in place as he scanned the room, taking everyone who was here that wasn't supposed to be (including me) his expression growing darker and scarier with each passing second. This was gonna be interesting. I knew me saying anything would be pointless, as when he got into "get the fuck away from my daughter" mode, the only one who could snap him out of it was Yargy…and it usually took some yelling on her part.

"Whats going on heh-"

Before he could finish the sentence, Megan had zippyed on over to him, grabbed her dad by the crook of his arm and hauled ass out of her room, slamming the door shut behind her.

Luxord stared at the door, turned and looked at me and asked, "What th' hell just happened?"

"Nuthin' much. Yargy just savin' your bacon. That's all." I replied easily as the sounds of loud shouting reverberated through the wood of Megan's bedroom door, "Her family is just as strict as mine when it comes to guys being in the house. Meaning you guys'll be in deep doody if she can't con him."

"Why do ya say that?" Xigbar asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Well obviously you guys can't stay here if thinks you might molest his precious daughter." I snorted.

Calyx "phruuuiiii"-ed in agreement.

The sound of multiple jaws dropping echoed about the room. It was the sweetest sound I've ever heard – no lie.

I was on the floor laughing my ass off before I knew what had happened – it was just too much! Larxene looked like the anorexic frog she was with her mouth hanging open like that.

And I wasn't alone either!! Naminé was laughing too! She was doubled up in a corner, quaking as she tried and failed to hold back her giggles.

Why can the good times never last?

As soon as Organization XIII had lost their composure, they regained it and had both of us pinned against the wall and gasping for air, our legs dangling.

"And what pray tell…is so humorous about this particular situation, milady?" the Chilly Academic asked loftily pushing his wrist joint that much more into my throat, causing a weird, strangled sound I'd only ever heard in B-horror movies to erupt from my mouth.

The same, strange choked gasp came from somewhere to my right so I was guessing Nami-chan was in the same predicament.

"Well this sucks…" I thought bleakly as my mind swam, "No shit, Sherlock." One of the voices responded back as my vision started to become clouded with spots.

I felt very strange as the spots gave way to blackness…kinda prickly and cold – like my entire body was falling asleep. In the darkness there were two pinpoints of lights glittering so intensely I couldn't help but focus on – it was one of those things you just can't stop yourself from doing – it's like when you see a car wreck you instinctively slow down to stare.

I noticed the more I concentrated on those lights, the brighter they grew.

"Well…that's a bit odd doncha think?" one of my ever lovin' voices declared cheerfully as I reached out to poke at the lights…okay – not the smartest idea – I know. But if you haven't noticed by now, I'm not he smartest

There was an angry yell and I was dropped roughly to the ground, the blackness giving way to blinding white spots.

* * *

Oh…so those sparkly twinkle lights weren't lights at all. They were Vexen's eyes…and I had just poked them…heheheheheh…oops. There was another thump not too far away from me as Naminé was unceremoniously dropped to the ground as Demyx hurried to check on Vexen.

Naminé came into view, coughing loudly and holding her throat and gasping for air on all foh-threes. Whaddya want? One hand was on her neck. Hence all threes – get it?

"You okay, two legs?"

Oh, Ura. Yup, only he would call me something like that…well…maaaaaybe Axel or Demy justa be weird. Hey, stranger things have happened, people – like this one time, no lie, I got the cafeteria food and the macaroni bit me!!!

If you must know the truth, I'd almost forgotten he was there – HEY! Wasn't my fault he was being all quiet and blending in with the wall.

"Clarify okay, Ucchan." I said croakily trying to sit up and being thrown backwards by a wave of dizziness.

A pair of hands caught me before I hit the floor again. Oh sankyuu Ucchan, my head and mister floor have never been the bestest of buddies. But wait a tic…these hands were kinda small…sorta like a-

"Girl?" I mumbled smartly, tilting my head back.

"What the heyho is going on here?" Yargy asked mildly, staring back at me as she hefted me to my feet.

"Creative differences." I said casually as Megan eyed my neck, which was already beginning to bruise, "I thought their jaws lolling on the floor was funny – they didn't."

"Ahhhh, I see." She grinned, eyeing Naminé as Ura went to help her up, "I take it she had the same creative differences?"

"Apparently." Ura snorted, pulling the artistic Nobody to her feet.

* * *

(A/N: So the Nobodies are in our world, and things are gonna get roman-teek, right? NUH-UH! Not in the cards! Next on our plans is a stop by the school...and destroy it. Sounds fun? I thought so too!!! R&R!!!) 


	14. Parental Units

(A/N: Muahaha! Next Chappie UP!!)

* * *

"Oh my **god!** Why don't they just kill her **_off _**already?" Yargy moaned, lobbing a pillow at the television screen at the sight of the dreaded pink nightmare, Haruno Sakura.

Yes, you heard right. Things had dulled down so quickly we were driven to watch the turn your brain to slush awfulness that was the 4KIDS processed Naruto. Free of swears, nudity, gratuitous violence and nosebleeds. Basically devoid of everything that made the show great and replaced with awful dubbing, horrid voice acting, and that horrible, overused catch phrase, "Believe it."

"Why….are you **watching** such drivel?" Xemnas snorted, sounded a bit more relaxed than he had about an hour before when we were calling him Mansex and a Goober.

"Because there obviously isn't anything else on, Superior." Marluxia said irritably, looking as though he was seriously considering lopping off his own head with his MANLY pink scythe (snickergigglesnort)

"And because by watching this, we can observe all the opportunities that were bypassed to kill that evil pink weed." I replied coyly, "It makes for great fanfiction."

"Fanwhuddywhat?" Ura blinked, staring at us weirdly, his expression growing slightly -_cough_- apprehensive as devious smiles filled our faces.

"You _**reeeeally**_ wanna know?" Megan grinned, closing in on Ura, "Cuz we'd be more than happy to show you some of our fav-"

"**I'mgoodpleaseandthankyou!**" Ura said loudly, scooching quickly away from her, using Vexen as a hu-scuze me, _**NOBODY**_ shield.

"Okay, if you don't wanna know, I can't make ya." I shrugged, watching with sadistic pleasure as Mansex's jaw hit the floor (hey, if we're consistent all the time, they'll always know what to expect, and what fun is that I ask you?!)

"Alright, what are you plotting?" Saix asked, Looking and I square in the face, an expression that clearly said 'speak-now-or-forever-hold-your-peace'

"Absolutely nothing." Yargy grinned, poking Saix in the nose, causing the most exquisite look of confusion mixed with mortification to fill his face.

"Like we would tell you anyway." I snorted.

* * *

Rising to my feet and grabbing Naminé by the elbow, I declared, "Well, I best be heading back to my place. C'mon Nami." 

"Eh? O-oh, okay." She replied clamoring to her feet.

"You too Ura." Megan said pointedly, nudging him with her toe, "Fluke has a koi pond in her backyard you can use for tonight."

"Yep, I get the girl and Sardine Lad you get the male harem. Whose better off I ask you?" I smirked as I led Naminé and Ura up the stairs.

"Well if the harem weren't trying to kill me…" Yargy said thoughtfully, keeping a close eye on Axel, Luxord and Manse-cough-Xemnas.

"Hey, you didn't include me." Larxene spoke up superiorly, hands on her hips as she stared up at me from her spot on the couch, "I'm a girl, why aren't you taking me with?"

"…you're no girl, dollface – you're a bitch." Axel said shrewdly, digging around in his ear with his pinky, mining it for wax, "Even **drunk** I wouldn't touch you."

"But isn't that cuz you're **_gay?_**" Demyx drawled with a lazy smirk as both Larxene and Axel turned a dark, dark shade of red, the cacti on the window sill caught fire and the electronic wall clock mysteriously blew a fuse and started shooting sparks everywhere.

"And that's our **cue** to skadoo. Have fun Yargy!" I laughed, grabbing Ura and Naminé by the hands and dashing up the basement stairs.

"IM me later, Fluke!" Megan hollered up after me, shaking her fist at my back, "If you don't then I'll condemn you to the furthest reaches of **_Care Bear Land!!!_**"

"**NOOOOO!!!**" I howled in terror as I ran out the door, dragging the Nobody and mermaid (U: Mer-MAN!!!!! HK: Oh don't get your nads in a knot) "_**ANYTHING**_ but **THAT!!**"

I was laughing so hard I had to stop after only a few steps or so, gasping and wheezing before continuing on, dragging Ura and Naminé behind me across the street and up the front steps of my house (yeah, it's a sweet deal, within walking distance – booyah!)

"Al…alright." I said, still trying to catch my breath and leaning my weight on my knees, "Nami-kun? You'll be inside with me. You know the drill, you're an exchange student, blahblahblah. Ura? Pond's around ba-"

Before I could finish my sentence the door flew open…and there, instead of Prissy Padma, or Tarun the Tool, it was my mom and pop…whose eyes instantly locked on Ura…shit, I'm boned.

"Welllll, whose thees? And why is he not fathering ow-ah granchai-al?" my father asked with a with a superior air etched across his face.

"**_Daa-aad!!_**" I shrieked, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment, "He was **just** walking me _**home!**_ **Weren't** you Ura?"

I looked at him pointedly and apparently he got the message (Thank GOD!!!) "Uh, _**right!**_ I'll be seein' ya." He said, backpedaling down the stairs and running down the sidewalk. Luckily my rents were focused on me now and didn't notice him turn off into our backyard.

"Next time bring home man to fostah granchai-al, oh don't bring home at all." My mother said sternly, "Padma ahready have **tree!** Fohth on way!"

"Muh-**_ommmm!!!_**" I shrieked, pretty sure my face could have been used to cook eggs at this point as I darted past with Naminé in tow.

* * *

"Guys come on, there are other ways to settle this ya know." Yargy said cheerfully, watching Axel, Larxene and Demyx have a Mexican standoff, glaring at each other, anger so palpable you could've had a picnic with it. 

"Oh so?" Luxord asked coolly, not even once diverting his gaze from his game of solitaire, "And how's that?"

"**Arm wrestle!**" she whooped, ignoring the looks she received as she dragged Axel, Larxene and Demyx to the center of the room, "Larxene and Axel!! Elbows on the table! Hands together…**_annnnnnnnnd_** **GO!!!**"

Without even realize it, instinct took over and both began the fight for dominance, both trying the slam the other's fist into the table. At first, it looked as thought Demyx had the upper hand, but then Larxene began to push back harder and harder…until –

_-FUHWHUD-_

"Larxene **_wins!!!_** Axel, you're up!" Yargy hooted, Axel smirking as he gave Demyx a shove out of the way to take his place.

"Let a **real** man show ya how its done." He said arrogantly, slamming his elbow viciously down on the table and clamping his hand around Larxene's in a vice grip.

"Funny, I don't **_see_** any real men here." She sneered, squeezing back with the same amount of force, causing the rest of the Organization to glower at her, "**What?** You _**want**_ some? I'll kick **all** of your asses!"

"…Is that a fact?" Zexion said mildly, arching an eyebrow over the covers of his book.

"Yeah, it **_is_**, ya mute." Larxene taunted.

"Excuse me, did he **_NOT_** just speak two seconds ago?" Xigbar asked Marluxia exasperatedly, his hand diving into a bowl of fritos (he's acquired a taste for them in the three hours he's been here).

"I **do** believe you're right." He replied mildly, taking a sip from the cola can beside him.

"You wanna piece, Flower Boy?" The Savage Nymh asked mockingly.

"First things **_first_**, ya **loon**." Axel smirk, pouring all of his strength into his arm and slamming her fist so hard into the table she flipped through the air and land with a bang as her back slammed against the table.

"I think we can safely determine who the winner is." Saix said mildly, having been forced to join Luxord in a game of poker.

"Shut up...just shut up." She groaned, as Yargy's dad thundered down the stairs and burst into the rumpus room.

"Here comes trouble." Vexen muttered, not looking up even once from whatever it was he was writing (could it be a diary filled with his lustful thoughts for Mansex? The world may never know)

"Whats going on in here?" He barked, looking for any excuse to pummel the organization to a bloody pulp (as if he could...but he don't know that)

"Just jokin' around dad, _**god!**_ Chill out!" Yargy snorted, pushing her dad back out of the room before he could notice Larxene's current position.

* * *

"…rough night?" I asked the next day, as I arrived at Yargy's to go to school. 

"I guess you could say that." Megan smirked as the organization tromped out after her, looking sleep deprived, very irritable and-

"Where th' hell'd they get those clothes?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at the Nobodies in question, all of whom were dressed in…well…normal clothes.

"Apparently they can restructure their robes into whatever they want." Yargy shrugged, "I'm not quite sure what that all means, but it saved me a trip to Wal-Mart."

"Uh-huh, lets go with that." I nodded, Naminé right behind me, dressed in some of my old things (I out grew'm…damn that girl for being short and skinny) and Ura was back at the house making friends with the koi.

"Why are we doing this again?" Xaldin muttered under his breath as the walked in time with us.

"Because it will give us a better idea of the way the minds of the people work here." Xemnas said shrewdly, having caught the comment (…how does one "catch" a comment persay?) "Think of it as information gathering – espionage if you will."

"Yes, Superior." Marluxia said dully, twisting his fingers idly around his reformed scythe (it was now a school bag…and he looked pretty miffed about it)

"…it might not be so bad." Naminé said quietly, fidgeting with the hem of the shirt I loaned her, "…who knows…it might be fun."

Yargy and I shared a look and exploded into a fit of laughter that had me on my knees, slamming the ground with my fist and Megan rolling on her back, clutching at her stomach.

"F-_**fun?**_" Yargy wheezed, trying to breathe through fits of laughing, "Are you **shittin'** me?!"

"It's **_SCHOOL_** for Shiva's sake!" I gasped, on all threes with my left hand clutching my heart, "No one in their right **MIND** finds it fun!"

Vexen openly gave an annoyed twitch at that remark.

"And today's another racism awareness assembly." Megan said, sniffling a little as she staggered to her feet, "So I hope you brought something to do."

As we shakily got to our feet, still giggling, the Organization stared after us.

"It cant be that bad…they're making a mountain out of a molehill." Xemnas said confidently.

His underlings glanced at one another uneasily- somehow, they weren't so sure.

* * *

And as it turns out, shockingly enough (insert eyeroll here) we we're right about the assembly. 

It was the same assembly we had every other day, just with a different name. Yargy and I nodded off pretty quickly, using our backpacks for pillows, and Naminé (that lucky little…) had taken out her sketch pad and was keeping herself entertained.

The same could **_NOT_** be said for most of the Organization.

The ones who didn't bring literature (Larxene, Zexion, Saix) games (Luxord – again with the solitaire) or work (Xigbar – he's discreetly cleaning his gun…_discreetly_ snickergigglesnort) were going completely batty. Xemnas ground his teeth together, Vexen jiggled his foot antsilly, Demyx toyed with a rubberband he found by his foot, Xaldin chewed his nails, Marluxia looked as though he was about to nod off, and Axel…wellllll…

-_SNAP_-

"Abuh?" I babbled, shooting upwards, "Snap?"

"Wuz goin' on?" Megan mumbled sleepily not lifting her head.

"**THAT _DOES_ _IT!_**" Axel roared, flaming chakram appearing in his hands, "**I'M NOT SITTING THROUGH THIS _ONE MORE MINUTE!!!_**"

And before we quite knew what had happened, there was a huge explosion and what had once been a gym was a smoldering pile of ash…in fact…the same could be said for the rest of the school, save for the students and teachers who were sitting amongst the rubble in a daze.

"...that was random." Yargy said, taking in the "school" -koff-pilleofrubble-koffkoff-

"…well, that's one way to end an assembly." I remarked, grabbing Axel by the elbow, "Now I suggest we run before the poh-lease are called."

"Lets do." Xigbar nodded in agreement.

* * *

(A/N: Next time, the Orgy is dragged into a sex shop...muahahaha!!! R&R!!)


End file.
